Letting Go Of Wanting Your Own Approval

Ever had a time in your life when those closest to youdisapproved of your behavior? It is very uncomfortable is it not?In a moment, peace of mind can vanish in a puff of smoke and youcrave approval more than anything else. This time in thewilderness seems to last forever and when it is finally over thenewly earned approval of your peers feels just great.

This wanting approval can get out of control though. We caneasily extend this need for approval to all people we come intocontact with in our life. When we want and need approvalwe encounter this lack of approval everywhere we go; the waiterdoes not smile when he takes your order; the checkout operatorhardly looks at you; and your boss only compliments your workwhen the moon is full and the first Tuesday of the month precedesa wet weekend!

All of a sudden life is a struggle, a constant battle to getother people, all people, to like you and to approve of you. Andthe more you want this approval the less you seem to get it.

What is the solution? The answer is to not be concerned aboutwhat other people think of you. This can be achieved by approvingof yourself completely despite your past indiscretions, failingsand errors of judgment. When you totally accept and approve ofyourself you will have little interest in how other people viewyou. If they like you *Great*, if they do not, that is theirchoice and their loss.

There are many ways to boost your opinion of yourself. Irecently discovered that just letting go of wanting your ownapproval works really well. Simply ask yourself the followingquestion:

Could I let go of wanting my own approval?

Sounds too simple to work. I know! It works if and only if youask the question with your attention on your feeling response noton the answer that pops into your head. Our goal is to let go ofthe limiting feelings, this is not a mental exercise.

Spend twenty minutes concentrating on this question. Ask thequestion again and again, and each time just notice your feelingresponse before asking the question again. After twenty minutesyou can expect to feel lighter and more at peace with yourself.Your breathing may also change and it is likely to become deeperand more relaxed.

The effect of letting go of wanting your approval is that yourelease the limitations that stop you from approving of yourselfand you are left with what you wanted - your own approval.

You can also ask yourself the question, could I let go of wantingmy own approval?... anytime you need to communicate at your bestto make a good impression. Just say it softly to yourself underyour breath or quietly inside your head. Ask the question, noticeyour feeling response, and repeat the process again and again.

By approving completely of yourself you will not be concernedwith winning the approval of your listeners and ironicallypeople will tend to reflect this approval back to you since theywill take you at your own value.

Now, go and prove this for yourself!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert and published author.Subscribe FREE to his upbeat newsletter and get a FREE e-book,which reveals secret strategies for supercharging yourcommunication skills. To join send an email to: AbolishShynessToday-subscribe@topica.com
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