Book Summary: How to Work with Just About Anyone

This article is based on the following book:

How to Work with Just About Anyone

"A Three-step Solution For Getting Difficult People To Change"

By Lucy GillPublished by Fireside/ Simon and Schuster 1999

ISBN 0-684-85527-5

206 pages

"I just can't seem to get along with this person!"

Every office has that one difficult person to work with, who affects productivity due to a terrible attitude, chronic tardiness, or simply drives everyone else up the wall. Here is the answer to common problems in conflict management.

Dealing with negative behavior, whether at work or at home, can be solved with three steps:

  • Get to the heart of the matter.

  • Determine what problem-solving methods to avoid so you don't perpetuate the conflict.

  • Choose a different, surprising approach to solve the problem and keep it solved.

    Finally, here is your key to some peace and sanity in the workplace, drawn from forty years of research and professional experience in consulting on the prevention and management of nonproductive behavior.

    How difficult behavior is reinforced:

    People use the same solution that never brings new results. The answer is to try something radically different. Employ atotally new approach and choose your response carefully.

    Why we fail to change negative behavior:

  • We are caught in the web of our own logic.

  • We don't realize we are doing the same things over and over.

  • We can't think of anything better to try.

    This three-question formula can lead you to a new strategy:

  • What is the primary problem? Be specific. How exactly does it affect productivity?

  • What have you been doing about your problem so far? Identify the logic of your favorite solution.

  • What do you need to do instead? You need to undo what your ineffective solution did.

    Attack with a brand new set of weapons.

    Focus on the facts. Figure out what the heart of the matter is:

  • List all the issues affecting you.

  • Decide which issue or who in particular is bothering you the most.

  • Encircle the issue or person's name on your list.

  • Focus on what you circled. List all the things that bother you about this person.

  • Now pick the problem to work on. If you could only fix one item on the list, and had to live with all the others, what would you choose?

  • Then with the particular problem chosen, spell out specifically: Who is doing what that presents a problem, to whom, and how is this behavior a problem?

    The 4 ways to get bogged down in "whys" and therefore confused by superfluous issues:

  • Focusing on possible reasons for someone's behavior

  • Speculating about what the person is up to

  • Labeling behavior instead of describing it

  • Worrying about who is right or wrong

    Use reverse psychology!

  • Do something unexpected. Sometimes shock tactics or being brutally honest works.

  • Encourage the person to keep doing what it is that is irritating behavior. It is strange but encouraging people to continue their irritating behavior gets them to stop it.

  • Have fun experimenting with your new approaches!

  • Tell someone not to change what he is doing.

  • Create consequences or let the natural consequences of his negative behavior occur.

  • Urge someone to do the annoying actions even more

    New Conflict Management Techniques

  • Do not offer a long list of reasons why someone should change. Simply tell them what needs to be done. The more you rationalize or argue the more they will resist. You will be wasting time and energy.

  • In the face of constant criticism, silently take note of what is being said, then read the notes back - instead of actively defending each point.

  • Make statements ("Unless it creates a problem for you, I'm going to do X")

  • Give a specific compliment to the other party in a conflict. ("I like the way you presented your report - your lineup of facts made it easy to follow") It catches them off-guard and makes him/her less defensive.

  • Excuse yourself for a minute in the midst of a heated discussion to go to the toilet instead of escalating the argument.

  • Hold back for thirty minutes instead of rushing to fix a problem for someone else.

    Other "happy workplace" tips:

  • Keep an open mind about why the person behaves in such a manner.

  • See both sides of the situation, not just yours.

  • Be very specific when analyzing the problem. Make a mental videotape of the behavior.

  • Notice when it isn't happening. Understand why. You may have overlooked something you did that didn't result in the other person's annoying behavior.

  • Find someone with immunity and see how he or she successfully handles the troublesome behavior that you're struggling with.

    (c) Copyright 2001-2002

    About The Author

    By: Regine P. Azurin and Yvette Pantilla

    http://www.bizsum.com/freearticle2.htm

    "A Lot Of Great Books....Too Little Time To Read"

    Free Book Summaries Of Latest Bestsellers for Busy Executives and Entrepreneurs

    Mailto:freearticle@bizsum.com

    BusinessSummaries is a BusinessSummaries.com service.

    BusinessSummaries.com - Wisdom In A Nutshell


    • More Resources

    Are You Ready To Start A Business? Take This Quiz and See
    Don't get discouraged! A "no" answer to any of the questions will identify an area for development -- not a roadblock. I am available to help if you would like to discuss your options in greater detail.
    When All Is Not Well With Work
    When all is not well with work, what do you do? Do you quickly get frustrated and feel discontent? Do you look at each situation as a tiresome challenge or as an opportunity to learn something new? Have you ever considered looking at work problems from a spiritual point of view?When you look at work from a spiritual perspective, you will see that there are lessons for you to learn. Let's look at a couple of situations that you or someone you know may have encountered.
    How to Pick the Best Career For You , Part 2: From Exposure-to-Opportunity
    Gain an audience by recognizing opportunityThere's a sexier method to salsa into a great career with less tripping and more flair. Look for problems to solve and create a personalized solution.
    It May Be Time to Walk in an Employers Shoes
    If you are in a job search and aren't receiving viable hits, it's time to walk a mile in an employer's shoes. Okay, I realize what you may be thinking.
    Getting Past Fear
    Have you gotten tons of career advice, solicited and unsolicited? You nod when you hear it and think, "Yeah, I know this stuff." So, what else is new?But what have you done with the advice? Fess up.
    Searching for Jobs Online
    Searching for jobs online is easier than ever, but also more confusing than ever. Any Internet user doing a job search online will find that they can choose from hundreds of national employment listing web sites and the numbers can often be staggering.
    Mastering the Job Interview - 5 Tips to Make Yourself Irresistible to the Interviewer
    So you've figured out, more or less what you want to do and where the opportunities are. Now; you have been called for an interview.
    Now, Do You Have Any Questions?
    "Who is that hot babe in the picture?" isn't the type of reply an interviewer expects to hear when he or she invites you to ask questions near the end of an interview. In fact, the way you approach the Q&A session will have a direct impact on the interviewer's perception of you.
    How to Manage Your Career Like a Business
    Look upon yourself as a company with a product or service to sell. Understand your market and devise a dynamic marketing campaign, remembering that companies hire employees who offer them the best results and the best value for money.
    Tips for Requesting a Raise
    You probably think you deserve a raise. But does your boss think so?Here's how to go about convincing your boss that you're really worth more than you're being paid.
    Three Ways to Transition to a New Career
    As a Certified Personnel Consultant working for Find Great People International in Greenville, South Carolina, I receive telephone calls from people who are considering a career change. For some, transitioning to a new career is easier than others.
    Job Hunting: Its Still The First Impression Stupid!
    In the 1992 USA Presidential election, political strategist James Carville hung a sign in Bill Clinton's Little Rock campaign office that read, "It's still the economy, stupid." His intent? Simply to keep everybody focused on the most important issue of the day.
    Im just me - An Overview of an Web er.. Designer, Developer, Consultant and Friend
    I am going to give you a breakdown of my ..
    Job Search - Understand Employers
    Think like an employerTo be successful in your job search campaign you must think like an employer or a recruiter. If you are going to do this right, you need to appreciate the ways that employers sift through the flood of resumes.
    50 Things To Do To Your Boss That Are Fun For You, But Not For Them
    1. You're eavesdropping and you hear your boss has reservations at his favorite restaurant.
    Common Resume Myths & Misconceptions
    For the person crafting their first résumé the task can seem a little bit daunting, even a bit frightening. Human Resources [HR] specialists, résumé writing professionals, school advisors, and even friends and family members all have their say.
    Adapting To Change In A Changing World
    Have you learnt a new skill or improved upon your existing skill in the last six months to one year?According to the world acclaimed management guru and Writer Professor Peter Drucker - "The only skill that will be important in the 21st century is the skill of learning news skills. Everything else will become obsolete over time.
    Business Experience is YOUR Security Cover
    Some may want to interpret "independent" to mean WITHOUT others. None of us are truly independent or able to make it in life alone.
    Need a Job? Put a Gun to Your Head
    A legendary marketing genius once said that, if he had to write a killer sales letter, he would imagine he had a gun pointed at his head and that he would be shot if his advertising didn't deliver.This motivated him to create some of the world's most-profitable ads.
    Dissatisfied with Your Job? Take Your Power Back!
    Apparently, there are all sorts of reasons to be dissatisfied with your job..

    More Careers & Employment Information:

    Related Articles

    Stacking The Deck In Your Favor
    Many people do not bother to look at their own magnificence and without that view it is not likely that we will recognize the need for strategies to maximize our strengths. When we buy an outfit for a special affair, we automatically try to coordinate each piece so that they enhance one another and amplify our sense of "looking good" from head to toe.
    How to Know if You Are in the Right Career
    Ever wonder if you are in the right career? If you are like most people you have. Did you know that 80% of people are currently misemployed? They are either underemployed, not happy with their current position or not fairly compensated for their skill and/or function set.
    Drive Your Career Change - A Direct Approach
    If your career has gone off the road, take control and drive back to job satisfaction with a direct approach.When you're looking for that new job or a career move it's easy to think that 'they' hold all the cards.
    Writing A Resume That Gets You Noticed
    As the old saying goes, "you never get a second chance to make a first impression." In today's business world, of course, that first impression usually does not come from a face-to-face conversation, but from whatever you can tell your future boss about yourself on paper: your resume.
    Six Sure-Fire Ways to Get Yourself a Pay Rise
    Many employees do not care too much for their bosses or supervisors. It is an all too common trait.
    The Surefire Way To Getting A Pay Raise
    If you are working for someone else, it is important to remember this fact: No one gives you a raise, you must earn it. You've got to prove you are worth the additional money you are asking for.
    Any Job is an Honorable Job
    Seeing your job as an honorable job, adds more meaning and peace to your life. Also, seeing the honor in what you do now, creates an ideal foundation upon which a career change can be built.
    Job Security Is Dead! Are You?
    Job security is an out dated concept. The idea is nice: The longer an employee works for a particular company, the more valuable that person becomes to the company in question.
    Mystery Shopping - An Excellent Part Time Job Or Additional Income Source
    Though the name itself may seem a bit mysterious, the concept of mystery shopping is actually straightforward. Also referred to as secret shopping, performance evaluations, service checks and frontline evaluations to name a few, mystery shopping allows companies to obtain a "snapshot in time" by trained researchers who know in advance what they are to evaluate.
    6 Vital Tips For Creating A Superior Resume
    1: Keep It ShortConsidering that initially HR personnel only spend approximately 10-20 seconds on a resume, the shorter your resume, the most desirable it is. Aim for one page.
    Are Online Degrees Valid to Prospective Employers?
    Online distance learning has gained rapid popularity with the advent of the internet, which has proven to offer great supporting facilities and convenience for online education. However, just like everything else with pros and cons, the internet has also opened doors for the widespread sale of bogus online degrees.
    Start Working Before You Get Hired
    What if there were a way to *prove* to any sane employer that you alone were the one to hire?Would learning how to do that interest you? I thought so.I call this the "start-working-before-you-get-hired" job-hunting method.
    Corporate World: Jungle Or Paradise?
    The road to the top is not easy, it is bumpy and dirty. Along the way, we meet interesting creatures.
    What To Do When HR Calls...
    Generally, when you present yourself as a prospective candidate for a new employment opportunity, your information will filter through the Human Resources department. Since every company has their own hiring process, understand that you cannot always control when HR will call you.
    Hiring the OverQualified Employee or Mining for Gold
    I am having a hard time understanding why a valuable resource such as the "over qualified employee is having such a hard time getting a job. Something seems to be out of whack here.
    Resurgence of the Time Sheet: Why You Should Write Down Your Workday Activities
    One day I walked into my boss's office and said, " I think all staff should do a time sheet, including you, from now on." I definitely surprised her but the results of thisrequest certainly got the attention of all of our staff.
    Everyday Is Saturday: Help for the Suddenly Unemployed
    I recently was "unhired" by my former employer. Unhired is a softer term than "fired" but it means the same.
    Moving Without A Job: Should You Move to the Location of Your Dreams and THEN Look for a Job?
    Moving without a job will challenge your identity -- but for some people, it's the best way to go.Here are some ways to deal with the question.
    How to Crash - Proof Your Job Search
    Think you have the speed, endurance, and know-how to fix what's broken? Bet not. The smartest people in the world are those who can leave their ego at the door, and know when its wise to seek help.
    Losing A Career Can Feel Like Getting A Divorce
    Most of us are aware that we need to grieve the death of a close friend, relative or favorite pet. We are beginning to learn that other events -- relocation, divorce, illness -- can also be experienced as loss.