Small Things in Conversation That Make a Difference


By Steve Kaye


Sometimes little things prevent leaders from being great leaders.

For example, I had two conversations yesterday. In one, the other person showed interest in what I had to say. In the second, the other person cut off what I was saying with a curt, "I know that."

Although the difference is minor, the impact is large. In the first case I was treated with respect, in the second I was not. In the first case I left feeling admiration for the other person, in the second, I left feeling resentment. In the first case, I would be willing to help the other person, in the second I would not.

What does this have to do with leadership?

Effective leaders attract people to them, to their ideas, and to their vision.

In order to do that, these leaders must win people’s trust. How?

Here are three conversational strategies that will attract people to you.

1) Let them talk

The greatest gift that you can give someone else is your attention. It validates them. It honors them. It make them feel special. Thus, let them talk. Listen to their ideas. Let them speak without interruptions. Look into their eyes while they’re talking.

2) Let them be right

Accept what they’re saying. Refrain from correcting, adjusting, or criticizing. Realize that they may be testing ideas. If you do have concerns, ask them gentle guiding questions such as: “How would do do that?” or “What happens next?” Or “How would that affect others?”

3) Let them be the star

Be impressed with what they say. Let them tell the stories. Refrain from telling better stories. Let them have the last word. Compliment their work daily. Find positive aspects of their achievements of plans.

Anybody can give directions and demand results. Effective leaders do more than that. They inspire people to work for them. And they do that by treating others with respect.

- - -

Steve Kaye helps leaders hold effective meetings. He is an IAF Certified Professional Facilitator, author, and speaker. His meeting facilitation and leadership workshops create success for everyone. Call 714-528-1300 for details. Visit http://www.stevekaye.com for a free report.


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