Approachability vs. Working a Room


By Scott Ginsberg


After a recent speech, an audience member asked me a question I’ve never considered: “What’s the difference between ‘approachability’ and ‘working a room’?”

Great point. And I think there’s a MAJOR distinction between the two. Let’s start with the latter.

PICTURE THIS: You’re hanging out by the entrance at a networking event. Your friend standing next to you lightly elbows your shoulder and says, “Hey, look at that guy in the blue suit - boy, he’s really working the room tonight!”

How would someone like that make you feel?

For some people, jealous:

Gosh, I wish I could just go up to anyone and start a conversation! If only networking came easy to me, I’d get all kinds of new customers!

For others, annoyed:

I hate when people do that. It’s making the rest of us look bad. It’s embarrassing to even be around someone so flaky and inauthentic.

For me, sympathetic:

Wow. (Shakes head). You know, that’s too bad. Mr. Blue Suit is really blowing his chances of making a positive first impression.

To gain a better understanding of this term, I Googled the phrase “working a room” while writing this article. About 50,000 pages came up. And many of them pointed to Susan Roane’s bestselling book, How To Work A Room: The Ultimate Guide to Savvy Socializing in Person and Online.

Now, I read this book several years ago. And I will say that it’s a great networking resource. But at the same time, I have to disagree:

Nobody should ever have to work a room.

Here’s why.

Working a room makes you sound like the politician who shows up at an event for 10 minutes to make an appearance, shake a few hands, kiss a few babies and then cruise out of town on his private jet.

No relationships, just superficial contact. No helping others, just helping himself. No quality conversations, just the quantity thereof.

This is NOT what effective networking looks like. Why?

Because people don’t want to feel like they’ve just been “worked.”

It pisses them off.
It creates a barrier to communication.
It makes them feel small.
And it makes YOU look like a jerk.

What’s more, people can tell when they are being worked.

So what’s the alternative?

You guessed it: approachability. The authentic magnetization of two people based on friendliness and common ground.

Here’s a quick comparison of the two words to help you understand the difference:

Working a Room

• Bounce from table to table slinging business cards to anyone and everyone saying, “Call me if you need a tech consultant!”
• Shake hands, give your elevator speech, qualify, move on to the next victim
• Fast paced, proactive, meet-as-many-people-as-possible speed networking; forget the names of everyone you just met
• Show up for the networking portion of the event and then get the heck out!

Approachability

• Offer your card when asked for one by a new contact; take the time to actually appreciate and inquire about the cards of others
• Spend enough time with each person to develop the CPI (Common Point of Interest)
• Chill out, choose a few key people to talk to; focus on both approaching them AND letting them approach you
• Come early, stay late. Don’t sacrifice a great conversation and/or a potential relationship just because “networking time” is over.

When I first started my career as an author/speaker, I thought “working the room” was the answer. I was even guilty of doing it myself! But after one particular networking event a few years ago, the president of my industry association reminded me, “Scott, just relax. Just be yourself. Avoid anything that would give others the impression that you’re working the room. Don’t worry. People will notice. Authenticity is the most magnetic quality of any businessperson.”

He was right. Approachability is about authenticity. It’s about giving yourself away to the other person.

It’s not about how many people you can meet in a half hour.
It’s not about how many business cards you give away or collect.
It’s not about tuning into some radio station called WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?)

It’s about mutually valuable relationships. It’s about asking, “What’s in it for US?!”


More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Networking Information:

Related Articles

Success Sentences to Help Combat Conversational Crappiness
Essential to your success as an effective, engaging communicator is learning not only what to say, but what not to say. The following guide examines several sentences, phrases and questions that stand in your way of connecting and communicating with confidence.
Alliances: More Than A One Way Relationship
What is the biggest advantage of forming an alliance?Everyone has their own definition of an alliance. I had a potential alliance with a person that was starting his own business.
Real Business Networking Doesnt Happen at Networking Events
Real networking isn't about handing out business cards at a networking event, or seeing how many you can collect before the event is over. Real networking is about relationships that, when cultivated properly, will breed referrals and positive word of mouth about you and your company.
Five Steps for Expanding Your Customer Base with Guerilla Networking
As a single company, it is impossible to provide your customers with all the services they desire for every aspect of their life; but with guerilla marketing, you can come close. By partnering with companies that provide different, yet complimentary, services to your business, you can create a network of reliable resources for your customers.
Networking Know How
Networking, even to a seasoned professional, can seem intimidating or scary at times. The reason for this is due to the fact, that networking can be positive or negative! We don't often think of "negative" networking.
Are You Building Relationships Online?
How's your relationship?I'm not prying into your personal life, so no need to worry. it'sjust that lately I've noticed something about most network marketerswhich got me thinking.
Small File Box With Resumes to Help Customers
I bet you have not thought about it much, but there are many ways you can help your customers in their daily lives. If you have a customer who just got laid off from their job, tell them you will be glad to take a few of their resumes and put them in a file box and when Corporate Executives come into the store you will be sure to put a good word in for them.
How to Keep from Sounding LIKE Totally Stupid
June is reality check month. Lots of the resolutions have been made and most are already broken.
Growing Your Network of People Can be Easy and Fun!
A few years back when I moved to Charlotte, NC for the first time, I came with high hopes of starting my business for the first time. We picked Charlotte because it was a growing city with a lot of potential.
Lesson 14 - Whats In A Handshake?
The StoryAs a child growing up, one of the many life lessons instilled in me was to wash your hands before eating and after using the restroom. As a child I often played in the dirt and places where germs customarily manifested.
How NOT to Waste Your Time Networking
Ever wonder if networking, referral groups, and conferences are a waste of your time? Think about it?how many hours do you invest in deciding where to network, registering, getting there, "working the room," and then following up? How much real business do you generate from your networking efforts? How do you know where to invest and where to cut your losses?If you're not thinking critically about how (or if!) to network, I guarantee that you're wasting a lot of time and money. Bonnie Lowe recently interviewed me for her upcoming e-book: Networkaholics Revealed! True Confessions of People Who Networked Their Way To Success (And How You Can Do the Same).
Defining a Quality Networking Group
When it comes to quality, how do you choose the group that matches your expectations?Defining a quality group is not as easy as it looks. You first need to conduct the research into meetings, type of attendance etc.
Value-Added Network
A value-added network can be achieved through explicit actions to develop, expand, and promote trusted relationships. One successful example is Thomas Powers, the founder and chairman of ecademy, one of the largest UK-based business networks.
Write It Down!
Why would you want to write information on paper when you have a business card in hand?Putting it on paper can mean a number of things. It can simply mean putting notes on the back of someone's business card, or it can mean to take extensive notes in a notebook.
The Power of Word of Mouth
Most of us remember the commercial that said, "I told two friends, and they told two friends, and so on, and so on, and?", well you get the picture. This commercial, which represented Breck Hair Shampoo, ran so many times that even I remember who the commercial represented.
A Vital Habit For Selling Big Ticket Items
I hope the title of this article aroused your curiosity! What could this habit be that will help you sell Big Ticket Items?It has nothing to do with copywriting or creating beautiful web pages. But it does have to do with something even more important - building relationships!What is this habit? Well it has many names but the most familiar one is probably is "networking".
Politics, Religion, Race; Conversational No-No's in Business
Do not destroy all your positive displacement and high energy and customer confidence by discussing politics in your small business. Remember not every one in the world is as smart as you are or sees as much dealing with all these different types of customers in so many different professions each day.
When Gifts Say More
What's a gift mean? If you're like me, you probably focus on the giving and the getting.But, have you thought of gifts as a medium, a channel, for communication? In a book called The Gift, French anthropologist Marcel Mauss argues that gifts are universally used to create and manage relationships.
Social Networking: A Link To Like Minds
Not all dot-com dreams died when the Internet stock bubble burst.Amazon.
Marketing Essentials: The 15 Second Elevator Speech
You're at a conference. Someone steps in the elevator, notices your name tag and asks, "So what do you guys do?" Quick -- what's your answer? You've got about 15 seconds before the doors open.