People Pleasing and How to Stop!

"People pleasing can leave you feeling empty and taken advantage of." Deb Melton

One of the ways fear shows up in our lives and keeps us from living fully is when we become a people pleaser. You know when you are doing it. You pick up the check and put it on your credit card, because you want everyone at the table to admire you and like you more. You say "yes" to your sister who asks you to baby sit for her 3 year old on Sunday afternoon, because you don't want to offend her by saying "no". You agree to help a friend move next weekend, because you'd feel guilty if you did not.

Inherent in people pleasing is an expectation that the favor will be returned and if it is not, you are apt to feel disappointed or resentful. You may say to yourself, "I am always doing nice things for my friends, but they don't seem to notice or be around when I need something." Two things are at work here, inability to say "no" when you want to say "no", and inability to ask for what you want or need. This is how fear keeps us stuck in resentment, anger and disappointment.

Saying "yes", because of fear of loss, when you really want to say "no" allows fear to be in charge of your life, not you. It may not be that your friends and family are inconsiderate jerks! It may be that you are too controlled by fear to say "no". When you learn to value yourself and see that your needs and wants are as valid as anyone else's, you are less likely to fall into people pleasing as a way of getting and keeping friends. When you value yourself you are more authentically you, which makes you more interesting and attractive and, consequently, others will like you and value you more too.

Making a request and asking for what you need or want is one of the best ways to move from a feeling of powerlessness to a feeling of having power over your life and what happens to you. But remember, a request is just that, a request. The other person is not obligated to say "yes"; no matter how close they are to you or how many favors you have done for them in the past. When you make a request with stirrings attached, you are expecting a certain outcome and you may be very disappointed if things do not go as you expected. The key here is to come from a place of open intention, not expectation of a certain outcome.

If you want to be able to be able to live this way and stop living from fear and instead live from freedom and joy, call me and I'll show you how. In a few months you could find yourself living outrageously, being happy, having more fun, feeling more love, living from your passion and feeling a sense of purpose. Many of my clients have found that the support of a coach can make all the difference. Here is what some have said.

"My coaching sessions with you have really turned my life in a more positive direction. You've given me tools and guidance that has benefited me more than all my years of counseling! " Carol Brown, MD

"The biggest gift I have received from your coaching, Deb, is how to trust myself." Kiara D songwriter, NYC

"Deb provided me with gentle support and was confrontive when I needed it. Through the work I did with Deb, I found a sense of freedom like I have never experienced in my life!" Dana M. nurse, OKC

"I think I have been unhappy for a while and trying to blame others for what I am feeling. I realized only I can make me happy. I don't think I would have realized any of this if it had not been for your patient and persistence in coaching me. Thanks so much for helping me get my life back on track!" Mary D. Stock Broker, CO

You may also consider joining an on-the-phone Fear Buster Group I have one starting nearly every month. Call me for details. Deb Melton, Certified Fearless Living Coach 303-986-2223

If you liked this article sing up to receive a similar one in your email box each week. Go to http://wwww.denversinglescoach.com/ezine_signup.php

Deb Melton is a Certified Fearless Living Coach trained by The Fearless Living Institute with Rhonda Britten of the hit TV show "Starting Over".

Deb is testiment to what fearless living can do for you! Trapped in an unhappy married for 29 years, now divorced she is a ski instructor, hiking guide, world traveler and life and singles coach. To learn more visit her website http://www.denversinglescoach.com

If you liked this article sing up to receive a similar one in your email box each week. Go to http://www.denversinglescoach.com/ezine_signup.php

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

How to Tune In Your Brain & Feel Confident with People in Moments
One day when I was in school, many years ago, the school principal wandered into our class room, sat down and started to talk.He talked and talked; and there was nothing we could do to stop him seeing as how he was in charge!For once he actually said something that interested me and I never forgot what he said.
Finding a Mentor in the 21st Century
Traditionally, mentors volunteer the wisdom of their experiences to help others who wanted to follow in their footsteps. These days, many people have learned to appreciate the value of a good mentor.
Mindfulness and Multiple Intelligences: 8 Ways to Pay Attention
How are you smart?Let me count the ways.Harvard professor Howard Gardner was the first to describe the concept of Multiple Intelligences.
Do You Really Need A Home Business Mentor?
Having a mentor can mean the difference between success and failure if you want to have a successful Internet home business.Many of you have dreamed of owning your own Internet business, and have probably been involved in countless opportunities, and succeeded at none.
Communicating Anger Compassionately
Whether it is irritability or unmitigated rage, anger is an emotion everyone knows about. Unfortunately, few people have been taught how to mange this feeling in an assertive and compassionate way.
Business Career Executive Coaching Article -Motivator, Discipline and Desire
"There is a certain combination of desire and discipline in the way I work. Discipline by itself simply is not enough in the creative process.
3 Tips for a Great Summer - Developing Life & Business While Having a Blast
As the last day of school arrives I feel the same tendency I had as a child..
Is Your Attitude Destroying Your Health?
A positive attitude may bring good health and success. If you have ever read any book about success you will discover how an optimistic attitude will keep you healthier and tremendously increase your chances of success.
Should I Get A Coach?
Why should or would someone hire a life coach? Well, why would anyone purchase the services of a personal trainer, and interior designer or a sports coach - any professional "assistant" for that matter? After all, we all know how to exercise, how to hang a curtain and how to play our own game. But we hire a professional because we know that they will hold us accountable on our goals and objectives - and since we're paying good money for them to be there, often whether we show up or not, we have an added incentive to do so ourselves.
The Need to Feel Special
From the time Jennifer was a little child, she was demanding of attention, especially from her mother, Sarah. With two older brothers, Jennifer had a "special" place in the family as the baby and the only girl.
Success: Cant Achieve It By Yourself? Pay A Professional!
So many people go through the motions of trying to achieve success. But just going through the motions doesn't work.
Cause and Effect! Choose a Path
Three steps to your Personal Transformation:Awareness and PerceptionLaw of Cause and EffectLaw of AccumulationThese categories are what you need to understand in order to be in total control of your being!Most go through life never reaching their potential because they never take control of all their faculties or abilities.This information is designed to help you gain complete control of your life!So lets get into it1) Awareness and perception.
Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words
Has it ever occurred to you how much you are saying to people even when you are not speaking? Unless you are a master of disguise, you are constantly sending messages about your true thoughts and feelings whether you are using words or not.Studies show that your words account for only 7% of the message you convey.
Ten Benefits of Having a Relationship Coach
As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I work with singles to help them attract a great match and with couples to help put their relationships back on track. I hear great feedback from my clients about the value of coaching.
Leadership Coaching at Gettysburg
The battle at Gettysburg is one of the most notable events in U.S.
Is Coaching For You?
More and more people have less and less time, but have greater demands both personally and professionally. This situation has resulted in the emergence of personal coaching within four basic areas: Financial, Physical or Fitness, Life or Career and Executive Performance.
Unhook From The Perpetual Progress Grid
I have been a member of a group called the Women in BusinessConnection (WIBC for short) in Cambridge, MA for about fouryears. We get together for lunch meetings once a month.
Some Business Coaches are in Error
Many business coaches deny the power of suggestion while using it. For instance a corporate inner circle will be told that they have inner conflicts with ethical practice due to the stockholders coming first, the customers coming second and employees coming third.
Boost Your Self-Esteem
What Is Self-Esteem?Self-esteem literally means to esteem, or respect, yourself. Having high self-esteem means that you have a positive image of yourself.
A Fresh Look at the Choices We Make
We are frequently held back from making future plans or reaching goals based on the perceived wrongness of choices we've made in the past. I want to give you something to think about.