Grieving the End of Your Marriage, as You Know it


The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be the worst pain you'll feel in your entire life. What is happening to you, you may wonder. You are grieving. You are grieving the loss of your marriage as you know it, of the spouse as you knew him or her. You know that although you may heal that nothing will ever be exactly the same.

This is just what happens when you lose someone in death. What can you do to make the pain go away?

Understand what grief is! Understand the stages of grief!

Grief is defined as the emotional depiction of great loss accompanied by a sense of hopelessness, anguish, denial, anger and confusion.

The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

How each stage feels to you is going to be different than how it feels to another person. Also, the length of time you spend in each phase will differ.

The first stage is denial. When talking about a relationship afflicted by infidelity this stage is usually gone through before you even find out about the affair. You see signs and you ignore them, thinking your partner couldn't possibly have an affair. You basically deny that the warning signs are there. If you found out about the affair suddenly or were ambushed with it then you may also experience denial. This is usually the case when someone comes to you and says that you're partner is having an affair and you say that they are not, they couldn't possibly be.

The next stage is anger. You will be angry! You have every right to be angry! Anger will take many forms and you will be angry at many people. I personally had moments when I was outright ANGRY and he knew it and other moments when I was passive aggressive. I was also angry at a lot of people. I was angry with him for having the affair, I was angry with the other woman, I was angry with all his coworkers that knew about the affair, I was even angry at his parents. Anger can be the hardest phase to get out of. For manypeople, staying angry is a lot easier than feeling the pain. I would start to hurt when thinking about it and I would then go straight into anger because being angry was easier than feeling the pain.

If your spouse has left you or is going to leave you, you may start bargaining. Bargaining is when you beg. Please don't leave us, what will we do with out you. How will we make it. These are all words of the person who is bargaining.

Depression is the next stage. I think that pretty much everyone knows what depression is and knows how it relates to infidelity.

And finally there is acceptance. You have accepted that it happened, that you can't change that it happened, you are no longer stuck on the WHY and you can finally move towards the future, either with your mate or without.

No one person travels through the stages of grief the same. You do not have to go through the stages in order, nor do you have to go through each phase. What matters is that you find a way to get to acceptance.

If you have decided to leave your relationship because you just can't handle what he/she did to you, I must caution you. You will still feel grief. You will still go through the stages of grief. It is important to get through the stages before beginning anotherrelationship.

You should start doing some things for yourself! When you are grieving it is all too easy to let yourself go. Do not do this. Eat, get sleep, exercise.

Many people find it therapeutic to start doing things for themselves that they didn't do before they found out about the affair. They will join a gym, go on a diet, and develop new friends. Any number of things that ultimately lead to you feeling better about yourself.

Take the time to do something nice for yourself today!

Brandi Simon is the owner of InjuredHearts.com where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair. Brandi is a successful relationship coach, offering guidance to those who wish to move forward in their relationships. Brandi specializes in Infidelity Coaching. Brandi is an affair survivor and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about Brandi, the coaching services, or infidelity in general, please visit http://www.injuredhearts.com.


More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Divorce Information:

Related Articles


Love and Marriage Fairy Tale
When we were children we believed in fairy tales and happy ever after endings just like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and many other fairy tales. However, as we grow older, we soon realise that situations in real life do not always turn out as we would of expected our fairy tale to.
Hidden Divorce Costs
Divorce has become part of life in the 21st century. The stigma of being divorced that once existed no loger exists.
Two Hearts Are Now One
It is fitting that I should write this story on Valentines Day, for this is a story of two broken hearts; healed and mended, then melted together as one--in an instant. This is a story of True Love.
How Can Collaborative Law Be Beneficial In Your Texas Divorce?
Collaborative law is based on the realization that the commitment by the parties in a family is that it is in their best interest to avoid going to trial.This process relies on open and honest communication and cooperation between the parties and their lawyers to achieve a fair result.
How Thinking About An Uncontested Divorce Figures Into Your Decision About Divorce
An uncontested divorce is the most common type of divorce. An uncontested divorce is a divorce that occurs when there are no disagreements between spouses over divorce related issues like custody, finances, living arrangements, spousal support, child support, etc.
Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do
Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement--these are strategies for self-defense.
Divorce Decision: Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce
When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration.
Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that's only natural.
5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce
Life after divorce is something that most people who are going through divorce think about. Thinking about having a life after divorce or thinking about how your life will be after divorce, are common because people tend to fear for themselves.
Post-Divorce Alimony in Texas
This article provides a brief overview on Texas law concerning post-divorce alimony in Texas. Laws differ from state to state and individual circumstances vary, so you should consult with a qualified family law attorney in your area for specific advice on your particular situation.
Women And Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce
Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce.
3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them
What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to unhappy, unhealthy and unsuccessful children? Parents know these for your children seek.1.
10 Ways to Keep Divorce Lawyers From Ruining Your Life
Everyone has heard the story (from friends, co-workers, and family members) of the divorce from hell; the one that grinds on for years, costs untold thousands of dollars, and frustratingly plods its way through the court system. It costs people not only their marriage, but often their children, their savings, and their emotional well-being, as well.
Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?
Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should.
Healing Dysfunctional Families
In a recent article entitled "Some Evidence On How We Are Spiritually Connected" I reported on a case study that revealed how individuals who share common traumatic memories can help each other release the trauma at a distance employing a new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM). In this article I will elaborate some of the potential applications of such a result as well as its far reaching implications.
How To Identify What The Question Should I Get a Divorce? Means To You
Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an example is an extramarital affair) that occurred was so terrible, that you want to just chuck it all and start over with a new life!If you have been asking yourself "should I get a divorce?" for any length of time, you should figure out what is making you feel that way if you haven't already.
Top 5 To Dos Before Saying "I Do"
1. DO allow yourself enough time to make one of your biggest life-altering decisions.
Steps Toward Divorce
When you're faced with the possibility of divorce it's important that you make sure you and your children (if you have any) are taken care of. Before you even visit the attorney you'll want to assess your financial situation.
9 Steps to Regaining Self-Esteem After Divorce
Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when a couple makes a combined decision to divorce, it can be extremely trying.
Too Many Divorces
My oldest boy asked me something the other day about all the news regarding the high divorce rate. I told him there aren't too many divorces, there's too many marriages.