| |
| |
|
Marriage & Wedding Information |
|
How to Avoid Destructive Dynamics in Your Marriage
A dynamic that prevents real connection in a relationship is when a couple engage in controlled/controlling behaviour. This is when one person tries to control the other, and the other allows themselves to be controlled. Sarah and Mike are an example of this. Mike works long hours in a professional career which he enjoys. Sarah had a satisfying career in retail, which she gave up when children came along. Mike got more and more involved in his career, whilst Sarah felt more and more disillusioned with being a full time mother. Mike liked order and routine in his life. He believed they had an agreement. The house and children were Sarah's responsibility. Mike paid Sarah a housekeeping amount each week and he maintained the rest of the finances. When Sarah talked about going back to work, he believed she was going back on what they had agreed. Sarah stopped talking about it. Sarah resented what she perceived as Mike's freedom. Sarah resisted any suggestions from Mike about interests she could pursue or hobbies she could try. Mike felt he was trying to help. He was worried she was unhappy. Sarah didn't see concern, only control. She felt manipulated and powerless. It's easy to see the pattern. The more Mike tried to control the situation, the more Sarah rebelled, forcing him to try and control even more. Underneath control is fear - fear of being out of control. But people aren't controllable, no one has control over how another will react. It doesn't work. The more Sarah rebels, the more controlling he becomes. Finally, after years of arguing and Sarah feeling unfulfilled, Sarah said she wasn't sure if the relationship was what she wanted any more. The controlled/controlling relationship relies on both parties to opt in - in order for Mike to control Sarah, she has to relent to being controlled. For many couples, this may not be a conscious action. It develops over a period of time. Do you think there could be a imbalance problem of this type in your relationship?It's important to see relationships as constantly evolving. Things do change, and what may suit at some stage may not be appropriate down the track. If either Mike or Sarah choose not to control/be controlled any more, the relationship has to develop in new ways. While the old way of relating may not be a conscious decision, deciding to change certainly is. In the Mike/Sarah scenario, before they can get the 'WE' right, Sarah needs to have the freedom, time and means to find out what it is that she wants. She needs to work out what it is that will fulfil her and make her happy. She needs to find a career path or area of interest that will reignite her interest and zest for life. It is up to her to find this, not Mike.Mike can support her discovery, but not map it out for her. Once Sarah knows what it is she wants, they together can plan out how that could work in their life. Couples don't consciously decide to control/be controlled. It happens over time, often unintentionally. Both want control and neither will give it up. A power struggle ensues. This is a real sign that the 'WE' is missing from the relationship. Both feel that to gain control of their lives, they need to hold on to the power - so the fighting begins. In fact, when one or both give up the power struggle and focus on being an individual within the relationship, the struggle dissipates. Setting boundaries is a good way to get this equilibrium and avoiding destructive dynamics in your relationship. Tania Dally is a relationship coach and author who helps you achieve happiness with the love of your life. For couples, this can mean recapturing the love that originally brought you together. For singles, this means preparing you to find your soulmate. Check out Tania's relationship advice blog.
MORE RESOURCES:
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Wonderful White Gold Wedding Rings The elegant and sophisticated look of glittering, gleaming gold. There's nothing quite like it. Are You Fully Present in Your Marriage? "Presence is more than just being there," states Malcolm S.Forbes. Top Wedding Fitness Questions (and their answers) As a Personal Trainer for brides-to-be, I often get asked the same wedding fitness questions over and over again. Brides (and grooms) usually are looking for simple and easy ways to get in better shape for their special day. Considering Success in Marriage Your success in marriage depends largely upon having sound and constructive attitudes toward love. For Americans, this can be difficult. Second Marriage Wedding Dress and Etiquette Just as with your first marriage, your second marriage is a new beginning with your fianc. So it makes sense that many of the traditional rituals and rules of etiquette apply. Wedding Cake - Bakery Tips Wedding cake bakeries will have a cake portfolio to look at and that will help you decide if they are able to make the cake you want.Have an idea of how many guests you will have at your reception, this will help determine the amount of wedding cake you will need or number of cupcake wedding cakes. Wedding Loans in the UK - Saving Future from the Present Wedding Expenses It is wrong if you thought that typical British weddings are starving of novel ideas. In fact, there is a glut of ideas, and each idea sounds as enthralling as the previous ones. Whats in a Greek Wedding? The wedding service in the Greek Orthodox faith is an ancient and beautiful ceremony, which has been celebrated in its current form for centuries. The wedding ceremony is full of symbolism and is a great experience if you have never attended one before, because it is likely to be quite different from other weddings you have attended in Western Europe. How to Write a Love Letter Let's talk about writing love letters.Not candy coated pap. Cost Effective Weddings Many people believe that weddings have to be costly. But who says that they have to be?All those fancy bridal shops, magazines and adverts on TV, want you to believe that you need to buy the very best of everything to have a good wedding. Diamond Engagement Ring, on Two Months Salary - Maybe Not! Diamond spending - well, that is up to you. What to spend on a diamond is a tough and personal question. Marriage Counseling: How to Reduce Hurt Feelings When You and Your Spouse Disagree One of the biggest on-going problems for couples is how to reduce the hurt feelings that can result from arguments and disagreements. The fall-out from a no-holds barred "kill your opponent" verbal altercation can last for decades. Star Jones Nuptials: Fairytale Wedding or Diva Gone Wild? In case you've been living on another planet for the past several months, you may not have heard that Star Jones was getting married. For the rest of us here on planet earth we couldn't escape this joyous news unless we swore off pop culture icons like Entertainment Tonight and People magazine. Secrets of a Happy Marriage My husband and I have a perfect marriage.There. Women Sufferings and Infidelity Her dreams of marriage and collected marriage values disintegrate when she finds her husband/partner is sharing with others what was meant for her. The partner is her/his own property and dignity that she does not want to loose. A Tale of Two Weddings In the next six months, my son, daughter, andgrandson are all getting married. Our family isspread across Ontario and the United States, so I'm thankful to be living in the computergeneration. Wedding Flowers - What Every Bride Should Know before Her Big Day Whether your wedding will be coming up roses, daffodils, or something else, choosing the wrong flowers for that blissful day can create a scene you'll want to soon forget. But armed with a few basics about flowers, the arrangements you choose will land you a bevy of compliments and queries. Wedding Invitations-Today's Etiquette and Wording The look of the wedding invitations you send will not only says a lot about you and your husband-to-be they will also convey a fair amount of information about your upcoming ceremony. So it is important to plan the type of wedding you will have before you make any decisions about your invitations. How to Select a Wedding Photographer Selecting a wedding photographer can be a daunting task. Not only does the photographer need to be able to produce outstanding memories of your wedding day but also has to be able to fit into the celebration and be highly professional every step of the way. How To Choose The Right Wedding Bouquet Style Basically, there are three wedding bouquet styles. The cascade, round or posy, and hand-tied.
|
| home | site map | contact us |
