Relationships Information

Friendship Advice for a Shrinking Planet


Ahh, friends. The people we pick up along the proverbial bus ride of life. Some hitch a ride and get off after a couple stops, and others hang on for the long haul. As our world grows ever smaller, the friendship pool extends ever wider. But does it grow shallower, too?

So many friends, so little time. We have our life-long friends, whose children we watch grow bigger each year. We have our work friends, those great comrades who hear our daily frustrations and celebrate our biggest achievements. Then there are the old school friends; we came of age shared our best memories with these guys! And of course, our extra-curricular friends; bowling buddies, drinking buddies, kindred souls from the writers' club, moms from the PTA. Last but not least, the internet friends... some of whom may know our deepest secrets even as we have yet to know their faces!

These days, a friend is a phone call or an email away. Friends can find us on our cell phones and on the internet, even if we move across country. Seems so easy, to just have friends and more friends by the boatload. Why, you can have a friend in every city if you want to (and that would make for some cheap and interesting vacations!). But the fact about friendship is... if we want to have deep friendships with some folks, others will simply have to take a back seat. And if we want healthy relationships all around, we'll have to learn not to be so petty.

With this new ease in communication comes new categories of friends, and a brand new set of considerations. Sometimes you fight yourself caught between a friend whom you really feel a close connection with, and another, more persistent friend who jockeys for your free time. Then there is the matter of social engagements. If you throw a party and only invite family and long-time friends, will your internet friends feel left out? Should you start living secret lives with multiple sets of friends? What about friends who lay guilt trips on you? Does the you-can-run-but-you-can't-hide aspect of cell phones, voicemail and email make it easier to just silently bear these people than shake them off for good?

The world is getting pretty crowded. With every new friend we make, we give away another little piece of ourselves. This can be exhausting! So how do we keep the cup of love and friendship from spilling over? Here's a little new-age philosophy to keep your relations peaceful and joyous, the way that your God would want them.

Take responsibility for yourself and no one else. Why is it so much easier for us to point fingers instead of taking the blame ourselves and then making a motion for improvement? Why do we say things like, "Hey, you never call me anymore!" when it should be more like, "Gee, I've been so out of touch, maybe I should give [Cathy] a ring." If everyone just owned up to their own shortcomings and corrected their own faults, things would be better all around.

Learn to love people for the ways they fulfill you, instead of resenting them for the ways they don't. Ever catch yourself saying, "Oh, I can't talk about [work] to So-and-so. She just doesn't want to hear it." Well, is there something else you CAN talk to that person about? Do you have different friends for different interest categories? Well, that's a positive thing! What a lucky person to be able to share your multiple facets of personality with so many wonderful friends.

Never argue via email. Unfortunately, there will be times when feelings get hurt and grievances must be aired. Whatever you do, don't hash it out on email. Putting harsh and defensive remarks in writing is a terrible thing to do to a friend! Here's the thing: if you feel you can't call someone or "have a discussion" face to face, I have some sad news for you. You're probably not as close to this person as you think you are. Maybe instead of hurling accusations, it's time to think about saving (or severing) the friendship.

Don't push the (guest) envelope. So you're getting married. Wonderful! Do you invite everyone in the free world, or do you keep it intimate and exclusive? With so many friends in so many circles, it's hard to know where to draw the line. Suppose you ask an old friend who you haven't been particularly close to of late, to your wedding... and they decline. Should you feel offended? Should you pursue them for an explanation? No, and no. Sure, you may feel upset that someone from the past doesn't wish to share in your joy, but why not just concentrate on your happy times ahead instead of dwelling on the negative? If someone doesn't feel like participating, just let them be. You have the rest of your life to work on getting close to them if you really want to.

Remember your true friends. That guy from happy hour is not your real friend. The woman from Yoga who calls you only when she's mad at her boyfriend is not your real friend. Someone who still thinks you're the same person you were two decades ago is not your real friend, either (although they may think they are!). Your real friends have known you in your darkest hour and love you all the more for it. Your real friends have watched the birth and death of your thousand selves. Your real friends tell you the truth and not what you want to hear. Your real friends would drop everything to come to your rescue, and you'd do the same for them. Never forsake these people for friends of a fair-weather variety!

Go with the flow. My eighth grade reading teacher wrote the following in my yearbook: "Stay happy and lithe and go with the flow, and love shall follow wherever you go." What great advice! If you're going with the flow you're not really resisting, are you? If you're going with the relationship flow, you're realizing that things can't be perfect with everyone at all times, and that's okay. There's always tomorrow, next week, next year or the next century for the winds to change direction and reawaken an old friendship that may have been dormant for some time.

Don't say goodbye; say, "See you later." Sure, there are times in our life when we'll feel like we've outgrown certain people. Was there a crowd who you always partied with, who maybe you don't seem to have as much in common with anymore? Did you become more religious, and did that leave you with some tough choices to make about which friends to keep? There is no reason to hurt someone by telling them, "I don't want to be your friend anymore." Go quietly and gracefully if you can. You never know what the future holds, and whether or not an old friend may return to your life at some point down the road.

Whoever said "It's a small world after all," was more right than they realized. We need to figure out a way to keep our relations peaceful on this ever-shrinking planet. Let's all be a little more thankful for and forgiving of our friends. After all, what would we be without them?

Copyright 2005 Dina Giolitto. All rights reserved.

Find out how thought-provoking articles can position you as an expert in your field. Dina Giolitto is a Copywriting Consultant with ten years of experience writing for print media and the web. Visit http://Wordfeeder.com for a free consultation and copywriting quote.


MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships Articles from EzineArticles.com
11/25/2019 10:29 AM
Right and Wrong - Polarised Thinking?
People shy away from the notion of right and wrong because it smacks of judgmental and simplistic thinking. Yet we need guidelines to inform proper conduct in the way we relate to each other.
11/18/2019 07:16 PM
Relationships: What Can Someone Do If Another Person Is Triggered?
Whether one is at university, reading a self-development book, or talking to a friend about what has been taking place in their life, there is a phrase that they could end up hearing. The words that come before or after it could be different but there will be one word that is the same.
10/31/2019 01:16 PM
Four Stupid Things People Say When You're Grieving From a Misfortune
What are stupid things people say when you suffer a misfortune? Some are discussed here.
10/24/2019 06:12 PM
Relationships: Is It Normal For Someone To Shut Down If Their Partner Is Not Responsive?
At the start of a relationship, one may find that their partner is fairly or even extremely responsive. What this means is that this person will listen to what they have to say, stop doing certain things if they have negative effect on them, and be open to feedback, amongst other things.
10/23/2019 09:38 AM
Relationships: Why Would Someone Feel Smothered Whenever Their Partner Expresses Their Needs?
If someone is in a relationship, there are going to be needs that they will want their partner to meet and there will be needs that their partner will want them to meet. And while some of their needs will be different, a number of their needs will most likely be the same.
10/23/2019 09:35 AM
Relationships: Do Some Men's Childhoods Set Them Up To Walk On Eggshells Around Women?
While a man may typically feel comfortable enough to be himself when he is around another man, this might rarely be the case when he is around a woman. When he is around a woman, he could have the tendency to become someone else entirely.
10/14/2019 02:12 PM
Relationships: What Can Someone Do If They Are Triggered In A Relationship?
When one has only just started to spend time with someone, they can find that just about everything runs smoothly. So whenever they are with the other person, they can feel good and even relaxed.
10/01/2019 09:26 AM
Relationships: Why Would Someone Lose Themselves When They Get Into A Relationship?
What someone may find, that's if they were to get into a relationship, is that they start to lose touch with who they are. So as the weeks and months go by, they will be nothing like they were in the beginning.
09/25/2019 12:10 PM
Mother Enmeshed Men: Why Would A Mother Raise Her Son To Be A Surrogate Spouse?
Although some men are able to form healthy relationships with women, there are others that are unable to do so. There are, of course, a numbers of reasons as to why this is.
09/11/2019 02:27 PM
Why You Can Love an Abuser
Falling in love happens to us?usually before we really know our partner. It happens to us because we're at the mercy of unconscious forces, commonly referred to as "chemistry." Don't judge yourself for loving someone who doesn't treat you with care and respect, because by the time the relationship turns abusive, you're attached and want to maintain your connection and love. There may have been hints of abuse in the beginning that were overlooked, because abusers are good at seduction and wait until they know we're hooked before showing their true colors. By then, our love is cemented and doesn't die easily. It's difficult to leave an abuser.
08/20/2019 09:22 AM
Love Bombing: Are Some People Easy Targets For 'Love Bombers'?
If one was single and they were to meet someone who showed a lot of interest in them, they could find that they end up being drawn to them. And what might also play a part here is that one may be physically attracted to them.
08/14/2019 08:23 AM
Relationships: Can Someone Look Towards Others To Fulfil Their Unmet Childhood Needs?
If someone is an adult, it could be said that they won't need the same things that they needed when they were a child. This comes down to the fact that they will have grown out of a number of these needs.
08/05/2019 10:32 AM
Relationships: Can A Past Life Connection Cause Someone To Stay In A Dysfunctional Relationship?
If someone was to come to the conclusion that they are in a relationship that is not very healthy, they could look into what they could do to change it. Through taking this approach, it will give them the chance to see if anything can be done.
08/01/2019 08:03 PM
The Digital Age of Connection - The Greatest Oxymoron of Our Time
There is an arguable debate that our digital age makes it easier for people to connect. Emails, messenger apps, social media platforms, dating apps and even video gaming have become the social norms for connecting. Yet, the rate of suicide continues to rise in the US. Perhaps we are missing a very obvious and overlooked point.
08/01/2019 07:25 PM
Some of the Worst Ways to Breakup With Someone You Once Loved
In some relationships, the desire to break up with your partner is so strong that it forces you to take action before you even give yourself the chance to think which almost always lands up coming across heartless, cowardly, immature and causes so much more pain than it should. Some people try to take the easy way out or are just plain cruel by nature and have no regard for their partner's feelings, the time and effort that was invested in the relationship which causes them to resort to some of the worst ways to break up...
07/31/2019 09:13 PM
Clues That Your Relationship Might Be Coming To an End
Nobody likes going through a break up. A break can leave you feeling betrayed. It hurts and often takes a long time to get over. A break up can be especially bad if it comes as a surprise.
07/31/2019 08:02 PM
Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Feel Comfortable With Hot And Cold Behaviour?
If one is in a position where their romantic relationships have not been very fulfilling, what they may find is that it's because they have the inclination to end up with people who are anything but reliable and consistent. If so, this will mean that they have been with a number of people who are hot one minute and cold the next.
07/31/2019 08:02 PM
Relationships: Can Someone Push Other People Away When If They Feel Worthless?
It has been said that a key part of someone being able to function at their best is for them to have fulfilling relationships. And, as they are an interdependent human being, this is not exactly a shock.
07/29/2019 12:22 PM
Relationships: Why Do Some People Fall Apart When A Relationship Comes To An End?
If one has just gone through a break up, they may find that it is hard for them to focus on other areas of their life. Due to how much pain they are in, everything else could fade into the background.
07/18/2019 10:33 AM
Relationships: Can A Relationship Allow Someone To Become More Integrated?
When someone first starts to spend time with another person, they may find that they only experience good feelings. If there are moments when they don't, these moments may soon pass.
07/16/2019 04:50 PM
Relationships: Can A Relationship Bring Up Emotions That Were Frozen?
If someone is not in a relationship, they may find that they are generally settled. What this can mean is that they are rarely emotionally flat and are rarely overwhelmed by their emotions.
07/08/2019 10:01 AM
Relationships: Can The Fear Of Abandonment Cause Someone To Be Controlling?
When someone starts to spend time with another person, they might not even think about trying to control what they can or can't do. In fact, this could be the last thing that is on their mind.
07/08/2019 09:51 AM
Relationships: Is It A Good Idea For A Man To Only Confide In His Partner?
If a man is single, he may find that there is no one is his life that he can share certain things with. This can relate to how he feels, the challenges that he is going through and the things that he has done that he is not too happy about, for instance.
07/05/2019 12:30 PM
Relationships: Is It Important To Be Able To Hold Space For Others?
If someone has a friend who is going through a tough time, they could end up telling them what they need to do to get through it. This is then going to be a time when they will try to fix or rescue this person.
07/05/2019 12:29 PM
I Can't Live Without You!
A number of months ago, I heard someone say that they couldn't live without their partner. Now, this wasn't because this person was disabled and therefore, needed this person in order to be able to handle life.
06/25/2019 03:34 PM
Shipboard World Community
Lately I have been puzzling about the world, its inhabitants and how we can find a way to get along with each other. The Internet, TV and news outlets focus on our differences and how we are increasingly drawn into opposite factions. In the process, we tend to discount other groups and see their ways, thoughts and feelings repulsive.
06/17/2019 09:51 AM
Relationships: Can Someone's Need To Save Others Have A Negative Effect On Their Relationships?
If someone was to hear that their friend is going through a tough time, they could give them a call or go to see them. No matter what they do, this could still be a time when they will listen to what they have to say and offer their support.
06/06/2019 10:35 AM
Relationships: Why Do Some People Hide Their True-Self In A Relationship?
If one is in a relationship, it could show that they are with someone who they share every part of their being with. What this means is that they will talk about what is taking place in their mind, reveal what is taking place in their heart and share their body.
06/03/2019 10:22 AM
Relationships: Is Your Emotional State Controlled By Other People's Moods?
As to whether or not it is a good idea for someone to go along with another person's emotional state can all depend on what state they are in. If this person is happy, embracing the same state is likely to have a positive effect on ones wellbeing.
06/03/2019 10:16 AM
Love Is Not
Valentine's week is focused on multiple ways of showing others that one cares for or is in love with them. Hearts, flowers, candy and trinkets are given as symbols of devotion but not all are done with the right motives or with healthy commitment. We all think that we know what love is but then act in ways that do not match our words.
05/27/2019 04:01 PM
Relationships: Do Some Peoples Childhoods Set Them Up To Crave Love?
It is likely that just about everyone on this planet enjoys receiving love and affection. Along with this, just as many people are likely to enjoy expressing love and affection.
05/24/2019 01:02 PM
When the Heart and Love Isn't on the Same Accord
Just because you had a bad relationship doesn't mean you should throw in the towel. Keep looking for the one person that's going to change your life for good. Love has a way of doing that. One day when you least expect it guess what?
05/24/2019 01:01 PM
Broken Hearts, But Incredible Memories
Lying in the bed in need of sleep but without the peace of it. Hurting and cursing the tears that refuse to stop falling. Begging a broken heart not to drag the pain of love lost into a day that has no sympathy for the weak.
05/09/2019 09:07 AM
Relationships: Why Are Some People Attracted To People Who Are Emotionally Unstable?
For some people, being in a relationship with someone who is unreliable, unpredictable and who has the need to keep them on edge and in a place of uncertainty is not going to interest them. If they were in this position, it might only be a matter of time before they walk away.
05/07/2019 01:13 PM
Let Them Drown
When is helping hurting? Is it okay to let them drown?
04/24/2019 11:35 AM
Why Do Some Intellectually Developed People End Up With People Who Are Emotionally Undeveloped?
In a relationship, it is not uncommon for one person to be logical and the other to be emotional. It can then seem as though one person provides what the other is lacking, thereby balancing each other out.
04/23/2019 10:12 AM
Christianity: The Only Army Known to Shoot It's Wounded
This article focuses on the relationship between practicing Christians and their followers. It looks at how some Christians respond to the faults in their own members.
04/23/2019 09:36 AM
What Does It Take to Become a Christian
This article looks at the steps and mentality a person has who comes to a saving knowledge of Christ. The goal is to discover the way to have a relationship with God that is fulfilling.
04/22/2019 10:49 AM
Sexuality: Can Someone's Early Years Have An Effect On What Turns Them On As An Adult?
As an adult, someone can believe that the things that arouse them are just the things that arouse them, and that all there is to it. However, what this wouldn't take into account is the part that their early years may have played in why something in particular has this effect on them.
04/18/2019 12:06 PM
Relationships: Why Do Some Men Want A Mother Figure?
Just because a man looks like a man, it doesn't mean that he feels likes like a man on the inside. What is going on externally is then going to have very little to do with what is going on internally.
04/10/2019 01:26 PM
Relationships: Can Someone Be Emotionally Unavailable Even Though They're In A Relationship?
It would be easy to believe that the people who are emotionally unavailable are single and the ones who aren't are in a relationship. Or, if someone is emotionally available and single, it could just show that they are taking a break after going through a breakup, for instance.
03/29/2019 04:29 PM
Relationships: Is It Possible To End Up With The Wrong Person?
Just as one can choose something on a menu and end up finding out that is is not very appealing to their taste buds; they can also end up choosing someone to be in a relationship with, only to find out that they are not a good match. However, although one can just stop eating a meal that doesn't do anything for them, they might not simply be able to walk away from a relationship that is not right.
03/28/2019 09:04 AM
Can Someone End Up With Deeply Wounded People If They Are Out Of Touch With Their Wounds?
If one sees themselves as someone who has got it altogether, or is just in a good place, it can be hard for them to understand why they would end up with someone who is not in a good way. This person is then not just going to have a different personality to them; they won't be as well adjusted.
03/27/2019 11:54 AM
Relationships: Why Are Some Men Attracted To Unavailable Women?
Even though a man may have the desire to be in an intimate relationship with a woman, he may continually end up with women who are not available. Through having been with a number of women who are like this, he may find that this area of his life causes him to experience a fair amount of frustration.
03/21/2019 10:54 AM
Dating: Is It A Bad Idea To Have Sex On The First Date?
Many, many years ago, sex was something that people would typically have if they wanted children. Nowadays, it is something that lot of people have if they want to experience pleasure.
03/18/2019 09:27 AM
Relationships: Why Would Someone Try To Make Their Ex Look Bad?
Once a relationship has come to an end, it could result in two people going their own way. This will then be a clean break, meaning that both of them will be happy to move on with their life.
02/28/2019 02:45 PM
Relationships: Is The Purpose Of A Relationship To Trigger Old Wounds?
When someone has just started to date another person, they can find that they feel really good. They are then still going to be on the same planet that they were on before they met this person, but it can be as if they have been taken somewhere else.
02/26/2019 01:56 PM
Tips to Find a Good Escort Agency
There are numerous escort agencies out there, which makes it overwhelming to opt for one, especially if you are just starting out. Actually, an escort is a professional that you can hire to be your personal assistant on tour or trip. We suggest that you be careful when choosing an escort. Some of them work independently while others work for an agency. So, it's better to choose an agency instead. Given below are a few tips that can help you choose the best agency. Read on.
02/26/2019 01:34 PM
Relationships: Can A Relationship Bring Up Someone's Attachment Trauma?
When someone gets into a relationship, they may believe that they have finally met their match. What they have been through in the past, when it comes to this area of their life, is then going to be well and truly over.
02/21/2019 09:29 AM
Relationships: Do Some Women's Childhoods Set Them Up To Surrender To The Wrong Men?
There are women in the world who will be only too happy to surrender to a man, while there are women out there who won't. As a result of this, these women are going to have radically different expectations.


home | site map
© 2006