Sexuality Information

Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 2


Introduction

This is the second installment in a 2-part article series on creating more intimacy and passion in your relationship. Please click here to read Part 1 if you missed it. In Part 1, you learned about the developmental stages that gay couples go through in their relationships and how declining passion is a normal phenomenon and indication that your partnership is growing and maturing. You also had the opportunity to complete a self-assessment to uncover any blocks that could stand in the way of your having more passion in your relationship. Part 2 will now offer some practical tips and suggestions for enhancing intimacy in your relationship to bring more life and spice to what you and your partner already share.

Intimacy-Building Strategies

An important first-step in bringing more novelty and excitement into your relationship is to lay the foundation for intimacy. Gay men can often confuse sex with intimacy. While sex certainly is important and has its place in fostering connection with your partner, there is much more that goes into cementing a sense of closeness with each other. Sex is just part of the recipe for intimacy; there are deeper, core ingredients that must be present for a relationship to be maintained in the long-term. Intimacy is a process that develops over time. It's the ability to risk being vulnerable with your lover, to share yourself openly and to reciprocally meet each other's needs while respecting each other's differences. It's about making your relationship a private haven from the world for comfort and security, a place where you can be uninhibited and free to be yourself.

Here are some tips for promoting more intimacy in your relationship and creating a foundation from which all your interactions and inner-feelings can grow.

1. Create the Backdrop:Trust. Respect. Acceptance. Honesty. Friendship. These traits are crucial for relationship success; nothing else matters without these. The ability to feel passionate can only come from an atmosphere where the two partners feel a sense of safety with each other.

2. Communication Is Key: Learn how to talk to each other "the right way", fine-tune your listening skills, appreciate the differences between the two of you and become adept at validating each other. Become pros at the art of negotiation and conflict management.

3. Squash the Anger: Nothing contaminates a relationship faster than bitterness and resentment. Learn how to identify and express your needs and feelings directly and don't stuff anything. Create a tone in your relationship where you each can feel comfortable approaching each other and talk about your needs, wishes, opinions, dreams, and feelings.

4. Be Fully Present: Make your relationship a priority and recognize the fact that effort is required to keep it growing and satisfying. Look at your relationship with conscious intent and be attentive to it and each other. Never take each other for granted.

It cannot be emphasized enough that these characteristics are essential for allowing your partnership to progress in a positive direction. While the behavioral strategies for increasing passion to be discussed next can help to "keep the flame burning" between you and your lover, there is no substitute for the above-mentioned qualities. The passion-building tips will be superficial and meaningless unless you have the foundation set to incorporate them into your stable relationship.

Passion-Building Activities

The following is a list of possible ideas to "try on for size" in maximizing "the heat" in your relationship. Take these suggestions at face value and don't underestimate the fact that nothing is hotter than having a man in your life who loves you unconditionally for who you are and who is there for you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Pick and choose the ones you like the best and make up your own. The only rule is to be creative and fun!

·Make a " Pleasings List". Each of you write down what you can imagine your partner doing that would be pleasing to you and then compare notes. Make it a practice to tackle the items on each other's lists.

·Be playful. Tickle and wrestle with your partner, crack jokes, make each other laugh. Counter the seriousness with silliness.

·Have a regular "Date Night". Avoid getting caught up in the hectic hustle-bustle of life at the expense and neglect of your boyfriend. Plan at least one night out a week for a date, just the two of you, where you have fun and don't discuss any serious issues. Really look deeply at your partner and recognize what attracts you to him. Mix it up with some adventure dates (eg. road trips, skiing, etc.).

·Surprise your partner. Do the unexpected. Take sexy photos of yourself and stick them in his work briefcase. Let him come home to find you naked on the kitchen table. Write him love notes, give him little gifts and cards, sing to him on his voicemail, anything! Keep him on his toes!

·Spice up your sex life with more novelty and creativity. Try new places to make love, try new positions, and share your fantasies. Let loose with ideas that you're both comfortable with.

·Show more demonstrations of nonsexual affection: hugging, kissing, touching, cuddling, massaging, and verbal declarations of adoration.

·Volunteer for a cause that you both care about and do it together.

·Balance individual vs. couple time. It's important that you each have your own lives separate from the relationship as well. Having your own interests helps bring more freshness and vitality into the relationship.

·Create rituals to celebrate special occasions and make them a regular tradition. These become relationship milestones that are unique to the two of you as a couple.

Conclusion

Reconnecting with the man you first fell in love with will go a long way toward enriching your relationship. Keep the courtship dance going in your partnership, no matter how long you've been together-it is possible! By taking responsibility for your part in the relationship and making sure that you feed it will improve the intimacy and passion in your relationship for the long-haul. It takes work, but by balancing novelty with predictability and incorporating more spontaneity and playfulness, your relationship will flourish. And remember that sex alone will not sustain a completely fulfilling long-term relationship; it can enhance it, but creating an intimate framework is what's most crucial. Sex alone is nice, but blend it with intimacy and it'll soar you to even greater heights of climax imaginable. Besides, sexual passion is a whole other article! Enjoy!

© 2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples,as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private relationship coaching practice in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, toward developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the author of the self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion" published in May 2005.


MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships:Sexuality Articles from EzineArticles.com
03/28/2020 07:36 PM
Women Are Often Unsure About Orgasm During Sex
Researchers are male & assume orgasm with a lover must be easy. Women tend to defer to men's expertise. The taboo of admitting a lack of orgasm.
03/23/2020 10:04 AM
Women Are Naturally Sexually Passive With a Lover
Women accept intercourse because they are unresponsive. A woman can only respond to male initiative. Most stimulation in any encounter is initiated by men.
03/16/2020 09:20 AM
How We Know That Women Do Not Have a Sex Drive
A sex drive is a significant urge that comes from having an erection. Penetrative sex brings high risk & low reward for women. Women are clearly unaware of the nature of sex drive.
03/09/2020 12:59 PM
Sex Drive: A Need to Ejaculate Through Intercourse
A sex drive arises from the responses of our own body. Men are incentivized to engage in intercourse. A sex drive is always to be the penetrator.
03/02/2020 08:16 AM
Men's Sexual Satisfaction Relies on Having a Lover
Men are aroused foremost by the availability of a lover. Men need sexual release because they are aroused by a lover. Women accept men's need for release through intercourse.
02/24/2020 09:01 AM
Intercourse Is Totally Defined by Male Responses
Men are aroused in anticipation of sex. Only men can initiate intercourse. The timing of an orgasm is unpredictable.
02/19/2020 09:13 AM
Intercourse Is an Act of Mating & Impregnation
Extended thrusting is typical of mammals. Manual contacts, oral sex & penetrative sex. Some men enjoy the turn-on of foreplay.
02/10/2020 09:16 AM
Platonic Love Is Just As Powerful As Sexual Love
Men initiate relationships for sexual reasons. Women cement relationships by offering sex. Women enjoy sensuality, affection & companionship. l
02/05/2020 08:24 AM
The Romantic Pleasure a Woman Enjoys From Sex
Women are reassured by male arousal & admiration. A woman chooses to be penetrated when she loves a man. Offering sex gives a woman more emotional control.
01/29/2020 09:57 AM
How to Break Free From Sexual Jealousy to Have a Fulfilling, Orgasmic Relationship
By the laws of the land, Shae must have a threesome in order to be with his beloved. It goes against his personal rules as he believes in sexuality without comparison. Comparison leads to jealousy. He fears sexual failure and embarrassment, leading to jealousy. He believes his jealousy creates hate, making it impossible to love the one he desires. Will he become asexual? Will he become hateful? Will he become decadent? Will he find love?
01/28/2020 02:51 PM
Women Do Not Need to Be Like Men to Be Valid
Women making money out by selling bravado. Many women have low expectations for sex. Girls need facts for their own protection.
01/21/2020 10:14 AM
Ego Means Men Overlook What Women Contribute
Men want to maximise their sexual opportunities. Men rarely acknowledge the effort women make. Women tend to avoid conflict.
01/15/2020 09:54 AM
Men's Sex Drive Can Cause Them to Be Insensitive
Male sex drive is irrepressible no matter how women respond. Men become bad-tempered if they don't get regular sex. Consent would not be an issue if intercourse caused female orgasm.
01/06/2020 10:33 AM
Intercourse Is the Heterosexual Lovemaking Act
Women choose men as protectors & providers. Women focus on upper body lovemaking. Women offer sex to get companionship & support.
01/02/2020 11:13 AM
Women Drive the Need for Dating and Romance
For men, sex is intimacy. Men are much more dangerous than women ever are. Women need an emotional attachment to offer sex.
12/23/2019 09:40 AM
Sexual Attraction & Commitment to a Relationship
Sexual attraction & emotional attachments. Marriage protects a woman's interests. Unhealthy relationships & arguing.
12/16/2019 08:37 AM
Understanding the Value of Non-Sexual Intimacy
Men & women experience intimacy in different ways. Women are reluctant to share their bodies. Men are reluctant to share their thoughts.
12/09/2019 11:54 AM
Men Cannot Accept That Women Are Unresponsive
Men's emotional beliefs. Men are impervious to feedback of any kind. Men do not understand women's emotional needs.
12/02/2019 03:12 PM
Why Women Do Not Orgasm From Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus parallels the male role in intercourse. Cunnilingus does not stimulate the internal organ. Cunnilingus is a male erotic turn-on.
11/22/2019 01:13 PM
Why Women Cannot Orgasm Through Intercourse
Women orgasm much less frequently than men do. Women need more time to orgasm than men do. Intercourse does not stimulate the clitoris.
11/18/2019 07:16 PM
How We Know That the Vagina Is Not a Sex Organ
Vagina is part of the birth canal & quite insensitive. The vagina cannot respond erotically being non-erectile. A cavity can always be penetrated.
11/11/2019 10:39 AM
How the Male and Female Sexual Roles Differ
Women only orgasm because they have a phallus. The male arousal cycle. Female orgasm is a miracle of evolution.
11/07/2019 08:07 AM
Why Talking About Sex From the Beginning Is a Must
As a psychotherapist I work with numerous couples that go to the workplace looking for some kind of sexual mending from long stretches of quietness and fermenting contemplations. One of my first inquiries is; what amount is sex a subject of discussion?
11/04/2019 10:03 AM
Why Men Feel Inadequate Over Penis Size
Growers versus showers. Men hope to impress others. An erect penis is a sign of male potency.
10/28/2019 10:04 AM
Why Women Feel Inadequate About Their Bodies
Women are not attracted by genitals & nudity. Women compete with each other for male attention. Men sexualise women's anatomy to assist with arousal.
10/23/2019 09:37 AM
The Internal Anatomy Involved in Reproduction
Wolffian ducts develop into the male reproductive organs. M?llerian ducts grow into the female reproductive organs. There is a single static egg but many tiny mobile sperm.
10/16/2019 09:46 AM
The Female Erectile Sex Organ (or Phallus)
The sex organ develops from the genital tubercle. A sex organ is also internal to the body & is erectile. The corpora caverosa are within the internal clitoral organ.
10/07/2019 04:14 PM
The Male Erectile Sex Organ (or Phallus)
The penis has 3 separate functions. Men are inordinately proud of their penis. The penis has a shaft which contains the corpora cavernosa.
09/30/2019 09:17 AM
Human Sexual Anatomy and Development
The internal reproductive organs. The phallus is an erectile sex organ. Sexual differentiation.
09/23/2019 09:11 AM
Lesbianism Focuses on Longer-Term Relationships
Some lesbians are looking for political recognition. Orientation does not affect responsiveness. Women are often unaware of their orientation.
09/16/2019 09:21 AM
Male Homosexuality Focuses on Casual Sex
Taboo over anal sex. No one can change their sex or orientation. Gay men can be highly promiscuous.
09/09/2019 10:01 AM
Orientation Is Defined by Who We Are Attracted to
Gays are no different to anyone else. Women focus on companionship & affection. Men focus on arousal & penetrative sex.
09/03/2019 08:52 AM
How We Know Someone Has Had an Orgasm
Orgasm is a basic physiological response of the human body. We cannot predict the timing of an orgasm. Orgasm is a repeatable experience.
08/26/2019 01:58 PM
Characteristics of Low Responsiveness
Women enjoy sharing affectionate companionship. Women prefer sex within long-term relationships. Women are not sexually proactive with a lover.
08/19/2019 10:02 AM
Factors That Affect the Strength of Male Sex Drive
Age is the most significant factor. Education seems to affect frequency of masturbation. Uneducated men have the highest overall responsiveness.
08/12/2019 08:58 AM
Characteristics of High Responsiveness
Men enjoy talking about fantasies & erotic turn-ons. Men typically initiate sex with a female lover. Some men are much more faithful than others.
08/05/2019 10:32 AM
Sexual Responsiveness Is a Male Characteristic
Orgasm is primarily a male response that triggers ejaculation. Male sexual ego & giving a woman an orgasm. Female responsiveness is an anomaly of evolution.
07/29/2019 12:23 PM
Responsiveness Varies Between Individuals
Responsiveness occurs randomly in the population. Arousal depends on a positive response to eroticism. We are only motivated by the need we feel.
07/23/2019 05:02 PM
Sexual Responsiveness & Orientation
Responsiveness is innate - we are born that way, Men are much more responsive than women. Orientation is defined by who we are attracted to.
07/16/2019 05:06 PM
Undressing a Woman With Your Eyes
Recently a friend of mine confessed that whenever he saw a woman or met one at a party or a function he always undressed her with his eyes. He fantasized about how she would look without clothes, without her sari and blouse. He further told me that he would also imagine how she would look with her lingerie and sometimes wondered whether she was wearing any at all.
07/15/2019 10:48 AM
Over Time Women Often Become Focused on Family
Women may enjoy providing for the needs of others. Obligations of marriage - regular sex vs. support. Women are told they should enjoy sex.
07/08/2019 09:50 AM
Young Women Tend to Focus on Their Attractiveness
Attracting male attention - women's role in arousing men. Women look for affection from men. Women define their lives in terms of their relationships.
07/02/2019 10:44 AM
At Puberty Girls Develop a Child-Bearing Capacity
Girls are much more timid & passive than boys. Girls focus on relationships rather than eroticism. Ovulation is a subconscious process.
06/24/2019 11:39 AM
Men Tend to Focus on Opportunities for Regular Sex
Male sexual frustration. The dog & ball theory. Men's needs are immediate & obvious.
06/19/2019 10:51 AM
Young Men Tend to Focus on Enjoying Their Arousal
Adolescent boys & men are aroused on a regular basis. Men do not associate sex with emotional attachment. Intercourse frequencies depend on male sex drive.
06/10/2019 09:26 AM
At Puberty Boys Develop a Reliable Arousal Cycle
Boys focus on doing & fighting. Boys are sexually active from adolescence onwards. Orgasm is the trigger for ejaculation.
06/04/2019 10:35 AM
5 Tips to Locate the Best Sexologist
For enjoying a blissful conjugal life, the couple has to have excellent compatibility, love, and respect for each other. Besides, sex also plays a significant role in preserving a man and woman relationship. But in countries like India, talking about sex and sexual problems is still a taboo which so far has been the reason for the destruction of many happy relationships and marriages.
06/03/2019 10:22 AM
The Influence of Religious Beliefs on Sexuality
Culture & family can affect sexuality. Justification of marriage - regular sex versus support for family. Sex is taboo because of differences in responsiveness.
05/27/2019 04:01 PM
Responsibility for Contraception and Abortion
Men do not dwell on consequences in general. Responsibility for contraception & abortion is attributed to women. Personal hygiene, genital infections, AIDs & STDs.
05/21/2019 12:48 PM
Diversity: Our Sex, Our Personality and Our Gender
Our sex is determined before birth & cannot be changed. Only men can obtain sexual gratification from others. Gender is a concept based on society stereotypes.


home | site map
© 2006