Boyfriend Hunting: Where the Men Are
So you're on the prowl for a boyfriend, hunting for Mr. Right to potentially build a lasting and fulfilling relationship? You feel like you've got your head on straight, your life is in order, and you're ready and available for love. Perfect! The most important pre-requisite that's needed before embarking out into the dating jungle is a solid sense of self, an understanding of your needs and values, and a psychological readiness and maturity for navigating through a variety of interpersonal situations and relationship issues. You're equipped, motivated, excited? so where in the world do you find those quality guys to get acquainted with?!
As gay men, it can be a bit more challenging in our quest for potential dating partners since we're not always easily recognizable, that is unless you've got a finely-tuned sense of "gaydar." We don't have a rubber stamp with the word "GAY" printed on our foreheads to cause us to stand out from the crowd, so knowing who it's safe to approach can be made more difficult than our heterosexual counterparts face. But, it is not impossible, for as the saying goes: "We are everywhere!" This article will offer possible settings that will increase your chances for meeting other gay men, as well as to provide some practical tips for approaching these venues.
According to David Steele,M.A. and Marvin Cohen,M.A. from The Relationship Coaching Institute (*)in their program for relationship success training for singles, attraction venues are places and activities to meet potential dating partners, and there are four levels:
Level 1: Public Places. These are places such as malls, festivals, banks, grocery stores, etc. It's possible to meet someone compatible in these places, but not likely because there's such a large diversity of people to pool through.
Level 2: Generic Singles Settings. These would include bars, singles clubs, personal ads; places where you would specifically expect to find singles congregating. The odds are increased for meeting someone in these venues, but can still be difficult to find "qualified" partners.
Level 3: Special Interest Settings. Sports clubs, fitness classes, targeted workshops on a particular topic, etc. An even better place to meet people because you're living your life doing something that you enjoy with other like-minded people, already giving you something in common to build from. These are great places to make new friends too!
Level 4: Shared Mission Sites. This is the best venue to meet your life partner because it's a place where the people have a shared sense of values, purpose, and passion, which are important ingredients for relationship success. Places like churches, service clubs, and personal growth venues would be examples of such settings where they act as a community with mutual support and involvement.
You can meet the man of your dreams in any of these venues, however the more aligned the venue is with who you are and what you're looking for, the higher probability of success exists. Choose to involve yourself in settings that will attract the type of men you want to affiliate with.
Top 5 Places to Meet Gay Men
Through interviews and polls taken with clients and men in the gay community, the following are the top popular picks for meeting potential guys for dating and mating.
1.Gay Bars & Dance Clubs: While these may be obvious places that gay men can flock to, be careful. You can meet a lot of nice guys in these venues, however the environment can be highly sexualized and prone to draw men who abuse drugs or alcohol and are only "cruising" for sex. If you're seeking a boyfriend, be clear on that and screen the men you meet carefully.
2.Personal Ads & Internet Chatrooms: Whether it be newspaper or telephone ads, online personals, or dating services, these can be ideal places to search for men, particularly for those who have extra-busy lifestyles or who don't live in large gay urban areas. These ads are a great way to creatively spell out exactly what you're looking for. Always meet in a public place if it gets that far and don't rely solely on this method at the expense of live human contact and social interaction.
3.Volunteering: Get to know the resources and organizations available in your nearest gay community and volunteer your time to some that resonate with and are meaningful to you. Examples might include The Human Rights Campaign, gay youth groups, gay community centers and health clinics, task forces, etc.
4.Friends: Build your gay social support system and expand your gay friendship circle. The more people you know, the more people your friends might be able to introduce you to. Lots of fulfilling relationships have started from "set-ups" by friends. It doesn't always work out, but friends can be a valuable resource because they know you and your interests.
5.Gay-Themed Events: Pride parades and festivals, drag queen shows, gay theatrical productions, charity events, classes and workshops with gay topics, parties, gay support groups, church activities, gay trade shows, gay speed dating events, etc.
Also, don't forget other places such as coffee shops, beaches, work, business networking events, restaurants, art galleries, museums, and health clubs as other possible gay guy meeting places.
Dating Tips for the Hunt
·Meeting Mr. Right takes careful planning and preparation; it's typically not always a spontaneous, out-of-the-blue experience. Know yourself and what you believe in and stand for, as well as what you're looking for. Ensure that you're emotionally available and ready for a possible relationship.
·Be friendly, open, receptive, and assertive when socializing. Your life partner could be anywhere, so don't limit yourself exclusively to certain meeting places. Expand your horizons and be open to new possibilities.
·Avoid expecting every encounter to lead somewhere. Not every hot guy you meet is Mr. Right. Use your screening skills and assess true goodness-of-fit.
·Don't let dating consume your life. Live your life in a balanced and fulfilling way. Be happily single.
·Defeat negative thinking that could undermine your confidence in social situations. Be affirming toward yourself and let each experience be a new learning opportunity to help you improve yourself and your approaches.
So there you have it! Mr. Right is anywhere and everywhere; you just need the readiness and emotional reserves to take the risks inherent in meeting new people. While dating venues can be important in helping you increase the odds of finding a good match, the most important ingredients are what you bring to the table. As long as you bring a positive attitude, strong self-esteem, good social skills, and an upbeat and assertive demeanor to the playing field, your chances of narrowing the market down and having a triumphant hunt for your future husband are great. Don't delay? boyfriend hunting season opens now!
*Reference: Steele, David & Cohen, Marvin (2003). Conscious Dating: Relationship Success Training For Singles. Relationship Coaching Institute. www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com and www.consciousdating.org.
© 2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:
Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: "I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit http://www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.
Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to email@example.com. Thank you!
Brian Rzepczynski holds a master's degree in Social Work from Western Michigan University and is also a Certified Personal Life Coach through The Coach Training Alliance. He launched his private coaching practice, The Gay Love Coach, in 2003 and works with gay men, both singles and couples, toward developing skills for improving their dating lives and relationships. He publishes a monthly ezine called "The Man 4 Man Plan" that has helpful articles, tips, resources, and an advice column relating to gay relationships and dating. He is also the co-author of the self-help book "A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion" published in May 2005. Visit his website at
Your Sexual Health is Super-Charged by the Natural Medicine of Humor
Giovanni Casanova (1725-1798) was an Italian adventurer, writer, soldier, musician, spy, and diplomat. Those accomplishments, however, have been historically overshadowed by Casanova's reputation as a freewheeling sensualist.
Simple Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation
Is this an all too familiar scenario? Hot and heavy loving with hungry kisses and tender caresses that promise orgasmic bliss for both you and your eager partner when all of a sudden you're one thrust past the edge, the dam bursts and it's over. You're finished, "spent" and ready for sleep.
Learn This Rare But Simple Seduction Technique in 12 Minutes
Let's dive right into these few paragraphs that have been reduced from 30+ pages. Do yourself a favor and read every word right now.
How Do You Use Anal Beads? Why Are Anal Beads So Popular?
Anal beads are used by both men and women and are considered a good introduction to the world of anal play. Anal beads are a strand of silicone or plastic beads on a heavy duty string, usually made of nylon with a retreival handle or loop.
Sexual Magnetism: Pheromones - The Scent of Sex
All this time you thought it was sculpted muscles, dazzling smiles and fast cars that were surefire babe magnets. Well have we got news for you.
Adultery: Problems, People, and Pain
Let's consider the problems caused by adultery:In the Workplace, Courts and Nation:1. Presidents are embarrassed, humiliated, and squander integrity.
Furvert: Part 1 in an Investigative Series of Obscure Sexual Fetishes
Borne of the science fiction and fantasy fan scene, the subculture of Furry fandom is a thriving genre in the fetish world.We're not talking here of 'plushies', those who fetishise stuffed 'plush' animals like teddy bears.
Best Sexual Positions ~ Spicy Up the Woman on Her Back Position
Are you tired of having your lover fall asleep on top of you after sex? Then it's time to introduce the best sexual positions into your love making and possibly even fire-up the intimacy between the sheets. Adding variety in sexual positions with the woman on her back can potentially lead to the most amazing sex and bring you the most incredible orgasm, if you know how.
Boost Your Sex Power - Natural Ways
If your sexual tempo is decreased after sunny summer days do not be anxious! This is totally normal. You will find a few recommendations and a special formula for men to overcome these hard days on the next lines.
The Romantic StripTease!
Have you ever fantasized about being a stripper? Have you ever thought it would be cool to do a striptease for your lover? Well, guess what? You're not alone!Truth be told, many women have this same fantasy. Many more have even "busted a move" for their lover.
Middle-Aged, Sexually Active, and at Great Risk for STDs
Many middle-aged and older adults feel they are somehow immune to sexually transmitted diseases just because of there age. However studies show that an increasing number of older adults are contracting sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, herpes, syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea at a rate that rivals or sometimes exceeds other age groups.
Gay & Lesbian Support: Closets Are For Brooms, Not People
Do you know someone who is gay? A friend or co-worker, a son or daughter, mother or father, brother or sister? Perhaps you suspect they might be gay but they haven't come out of the closet yet? Or maybe they are out of the closet, but are struggling to find confidence in themselves. It doesn't really matter what the situation.
Accepting and Embracing Your Sexual Self
What are you hiding?C'mon?you know you're hiding something.Is it that you like anal sex??That you like to have sex with women and men alike?? That you are dominant??That you like to be tied-up?What is it? C'mon, you can tell me.
Sex Toy Materials - What are They Made of? What is the Difference?
Silicone:Silicone sex toys are hypoallergenic, soft and life like in feeling. Silicone sex toys have a 'sensual feeling'.
Spice it Up! Variety in the Swinging Lifestyle
Are you on the swinging scene and only seeking that blonde haired blue eyed, 110 pound bronze beauty? That 225 pound muscle man with a chest to die for?Seek and ye shall find but never limit your options!Variety is the spice of the lifestyle, just as it is in life. Be open minded and unafraid to venture out to try something new.
Discover The Secret Power of Sexual Perception
Let's dive into this stuff right now!If you want to get the Sexual Perception, you need to do just two things:1. Send Strong "lust-generating" Signals (achieved by your words, actions, reactions, etc) She needs to get certain messages from you.
Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful Feelings
When you find out about the affair, the first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say the least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins "pulling away" you may also experience intense feelings.
Homosexuality: Lets Reopen the Debate!
I wonder why, in the current cultural war over "gays" in general and whether they should marry in particular, no one speaks publicly of the issue of choice? Is it a closed issue?I mean, isn't the whole gay premise that since being gay is an innate, genetic trait, and since they cannot help being gay, that they should, as any other ethnic group, marry and even raise children? And how many times have we read that homosexuality is like race? It is like someone being black. That's a horrible analogy but it is what the gays say.
Carnal Attraction (Sexual Pleasure)
Hottest topic of the world no adult likes to miss. Each one desires the glimpse of sex in any form openly or secretly.
The Health Benefits of Sex
Lose weight. Reduce stress.
|home | site map|