Sexuality Information

Infidelity Discovered? 10 Ways to Calm Your Powerful Feelings


When you find out about the affair, the first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say the least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins "pulling away" you may also experience intense feelings. Read through this list and pick out a couple things you can do to help yourself during these times.

1. Walk. Run, if you are fit enough to run. Work out. Get the blood flowing. Physical exercise drains off the adrenaline and physically you feel better. You also think better of yourself because you are caring for you.

2. Talk. If you typically handle problems by talking them out, find someone who will listen as you pour out your heart. Give them explicit instructions: "I need to talk, vent, cry, rage, and question. Just look me in the eye, nod your head and listen."

3. Write. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Spend that time writing...anything, everything that comes to your mind. Don't censor. When the bell goes off say to yourself, "OK, there it is. Now I need to get on to other things. I will come back later and write more." Put the writing in a safe place or destroy it.

4. Find a safe place and spend some time there. Do you have a favorite lake, wooded area, park, room, chair where you feel safe and can "get away." Intentionally spend some time there.

5. Use good "self talk." Tell yourself, "You are ok. You will be ok. This too shall pass. What you are feeling is normal and will not destroy you." Develop that "observing part" that can speak to your turmoil.

6. Pray. Meditate. Use your spiritual resources, if you have them. If you don't have them, it can be a good time to develop them. Spirituality often affirms your worth and enables you to see the larger picture.

7. Be aware. Notice what you are thinking, how you are feeling and what you are doing. Pay close attention to these chunks of your life. Just noticing often creates distance from the emotional pain.

8. Encourage the rhythm of your feelings. Your feelings will come and go, often as in waves. There will be lulls and sometimes they crash. Notice the intensity and frequency of the waves.

9. Get professional help. Supportive therapy might be helpful. Personal and professional coaching, often via telephone, is a helpful phenomenon that is increasingly popular as a way to find support and direction for specific problems.

10. Gather resources. Start reading, exploring the internet and talking to people about your situation. Believe me, you are not alone. Many people have walked your path (well, not exactly your path, but close) and are there to offer their understanding and point out the bends and turns of your road.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627


MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships:Sexuality Articles from EzineArticles.com
01/15/2020 09:54 AM
Men's Sex Drive Can Cause Them to Be Insensitive
Male sex drive is irrepressible no matter how women respond. Men become bad-tempered if they don't get regular sex. Consent would not be an issue if intercourse caused female orgasm.
01/06/2020 10:33 AM
Intercourse Is the Heterosexual Lovemaking Act
Women choose men as protectors & providers. Women focus on upper body lovemaking. Women offer sex to get companionship & support.
01/02/2020 11:13 AM
Women Drive the Need for Dating and Romance
For men, sex is intimacy. Men are much more dangerous than women ever are. Women need an emotional attachment to offer sex.
12/23/2019 09:40 AM
Sexual Attraction & Commitment to a Relationship
Sexual attraction & emotional attachments. Marriage protects a woman's interests. Unhealthy relationships & arguing.
12/16/2019 08:37 AM
Understanding the Value of Non-Sexual Intimacy
Men & women experience intimacy in different ways. Women are reluctant to share their bodies. Men are reluctant to share their thoughts.
12/09/2019 11:54 AM
Men Cannot Accept That Women Are Unresponsive
Men's emotional beliefs. Men are impervious to feedback of any kind. Men do not understand women's emotional needs.
12/02/2019 03:12 PM
Why Women Do Not Orgasm From Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus parallels the male role in intercourse. Cunnilingus does not stimulate the internal organ. Cunnilingus is a male erotic turn-on.
11/22/2019 01:13 PM
Why Women Cannot Orgasm Through Intercourse
Women orgasm much less frequently than men do. Women need more time to orgasm than men do. Intercourse does not stimulate the clitoris.
11/18/2019 07:16 PM
How We Know That the Vagina Is Not a Sex Organ
Vagina is part of the birth canal & quite insensitive. The vagina cannot respond erotically being non-erectile. A cavity can always be penetrated.
11/11/2019 10:39 AM
How the Male and Female Sexual Roles Differ
Women only orgasm because they have a phallus. The male arousal cycle. Female orgasm is a miracle of evolution.
11/07/2019 08:07 AM
Why Talking About Sex From the Beginning Is a Must
As a psychotherapist I work with numerous couples that go to the workplace looking for some kind of sexual mending from long stretches of quietness and fermenting contemplations. One of my first inquiries is; what amount is sex a subject of discussion?
11/04/2019 10:03 AM
Why Men Feel Inadequate Over Penis Size
Growers versus showers. Men hope to impress others. An erect penis is a sign of male potency.
10/28/2019 10:04 AM
Why Women Feel Inadequate About Their Bodies
Women are not attracted by genitals & nudity. Women compete with each other for male attention. Men sexualise women's anatomy to assist with arousal.
10/23/2019 09:37 AM
The Internal Anatomy Involved in Reproduction
Wolffian ducts develop into the male reproductive organs. M?llerian ducts grow into the female reproductive organs. There is a single static egg but many tiny mobile sperm.
10/16/2019 09:46 AM
The Female Erectile Sex Organ (or Phallus)
The sex organ develops from the genital tubercle. A sex organ is also internal to the body & is erectile. The corpora caverosa are within the internal clitoral organ.
10/07/2019 04:14 PM
The Male Erectile Sex Organ (or Phallus)
The penis has 3 separate functions. Men are inordinately proud of their penis. The penis has a shaft which contains the corpora cavernosa.
09/30/2019 09:17 AM
Human Sexual Anatomy and Development
The internal reproductive organs. The phallus is an erectile sex organ. Sexual differentiation.
09/23/2019 09:11 AM
Lesbianism Focuses on Longer-Term Relationships
Some lesbians are looking for political recognition. Orientation does not affect responsiveness. Women are often unaware of their orientation.
09/16/2019 09:21 AM
Male Homosexuality Focuses on Casual Sex
Taboo over anal sex. No one can change their sex or orientation. Gay men can be highly promiscuous.
09/09/2019 10:01 AM
Orientation Is Defined by Who We Are Attracted to
Gays are no different to anyone else. Women focus on companionship & affection. Men focus on arousal & penetrative sex.
09/03/2019 08:52 AM
How We Know Someone Has Had an Orgasm
Orgasm is a basic physiological response of the human body. We cannot predict the timing of an orgasm. Orgasm is a repeatable experience.
08/26/2019 01:58 PM
Characteristics of Low Responsiveness
Women enjoy sharing affectionate companionship. Women prefer sex within long-term relationships. Women are not sexually proactive with a lover.
08/19/2019 10:02 AM
Factors That Affect the Strength of Male Sex Drive
Age is the most significant factor. Education seems to affect frequency of masturbation. Uneducated men have the highest overall responsiveness.
08/12/2019 08:58 AM
Characteristics of High Responsiveness
Men enjoy talking about fantasies & erotic turn-ons. Men typically initiate sex with a female lover. Some men are much more faithful than others.
08/05/2019 10:32 AM
Sexual Responsiveness Is a Male Characteristic
Orgasm is primarily a male response that triggers ejaculation. Male sexual ego & giving a woman an orgasm. Female responsiveness is an anomaly of evolution.
07/29/2019 12:23 PM
Responsiveness Varies Between Individuals
Responsiveness occurs randomly in the population. Arousal depends on a positive response to eroticism. We are only motivated by the need we feel.
07/23/2019 05:02 PM
Sexual Responsiveness & Orientation
Responsiveness is innate - we are born that way, Men are much more responsive than women. Orientation is defined by who we are attracted to.
07/16/2019 05:06 PM
Undressing a Woman With Your Eyes
Recently a friend of mine confessed that whenever he saw a woman or met one at a party or a function he always undressed her with his eyes. He fantasized about how she would look without clothes, without her sari and blouse. He further told me that he would also imagine how she would look with her lingerie and sometimes wondered whether she was wearing any at all.
07/15/2019 10:48 AM
Over Time Women Often Become Focused on Family
Women may enjoy providing for the needs of others. Obligations of marriage - regular sex vs. support. Women are told they should enjoy sex.
07/08/2019 09:50 AM
Young Women Tend to Focus on Their Attractiveness
Attracting male attention - women's role in arousing men. Women look for affection from men. Women define their lives in terms of their relationships.
07/02/2019 10:44 AM
At Puberty Girls Develop a Child-Bearing Capacity
Girls are much more timid & passive than boys. Girls focus on relationships rather than eroticism. Ovulation is a subconscious process.
06/24/2019 11:39 AM
Men Tend to Focus on Opportunities for Regular Sex
Male sexual frustration. The dog & ball theory. Men's needs are immediate & obvious.
06/19/2019 10:51 AM
Young Men Tend to Focus on Enjoying Their Arousal
Adolescent boys & men are aroused on a regular basis. Men do not associate sex with emotional attachment. Intercourse frequencies depend on male sex drive.
06/10/2019 09:26 AM
At Puberty Boys Develop a Reliable Arousal Cycle
Boys focus on doing & fighting. Boys are sexually active from adolescence onwards. Orgasm is the trigger for ejaculation.
06/04/2019 10:35 AM
5 Tips to Locate the Best Sexologist
For enjoying a blissful conjugal life, the couple has to have excellent compatibility, love, and respect for each other. Besides, sex also plays a significant role in preserving a man and woman relationship. But in countries like India, talking about sex and sexual problems is still a taboo which so far has been the reason for the destruction of many happy relationships and marriages.
06/03/2019 10:22 AM
The Influence of Religious Beliefs on Sexuality
Culture & family can affect sexuality. Justification of marriage - regular sex versus support for family. Sex is taboo because of differences in responsiveness.
05/27/2019 04:01 PM
Responsibility for Contraception and Abortion
Men do not dwell on consequences in general. Responsibility for contraception & abortion is attributed to women. Personal hygiene, genital infections, AIDs & STDs.
05/21/2019 12:48 PM
Diversity: Our Sex, Our Personality and Our Gender
Our sex is determined before birth & cannot be changed. Only men can obtain sexual gratification from others. Gender is a concept based on society stereotypes.
05/13/2019 10:01 AM
Reproduction Involves More Than Just Intercourse
We have two sexes because they are different to each other. Men's key reproductive focus is intercourse & enjoying arousal. Women's key reproductive focus is enjoying affection & family.
05/09/2019 03:30 PM
How to Choose a Bisexual Dating Site
Are you bisexual? Do you want to find the right dating partner for you? If yes, make a try online. This article will help you righteously. The matter of fact is that the mainstream heterosexual society has started accepting bisexuality as a common form of relationship. In spite of having debates and sharp controversies, it has been considered as an authentic sexual orientation
05/06/2019 09:58 AM
Everyone Achieves Orgasm in Similar Ways
Orgasm is a basic response of the human body. Mental arousal is required before stimulation is effective. Emotional stimuli cannot cause orgasm.
04/29/2019 10:19 AM
Explaining Men & Women's Sexual Behaviours
Men enthusiasm & women's embarrassment over sex. Women's sexual passivity with a lover. Gay men are highly promiscuous.
04/22/2019 10:50 AM
Justifying Biological & Evolutionary Precedents
Other female mammals do not appear to orgasm. Male orgasm is key to reproduction. Female orgasm plays no role in reproduction.
04/15/2019 10:46 AM
Providing Unbiased Sex Information
Sex comes with issues that need to be discussed. Girls need to appreciate men's need for erotic stimuli. Boys need to understand women's need for affectionate companionship.
04/08/2019 09:30 AM
The Story Behind the G-Spot Myth (1982)
G-spot only explains orgasms women think they have. Promotion of the vagina is always popular with men. Sexology is not a rigorous discipline.
04/01/2019 09:47 AM
Rejection of Statistical Sex Research
Sex research challenges male fantasies. Men are convinced that women should orgasm through intercourse. The research findings are ignored.
03/26/2019 02:13 PM
With or Without Tassels?
With or without tassels was the only question to be asked of the parents of a new-born baby in the binary world of the 1940s. It was a question which once answered was assumed to define a person for a lifetime; a question that never needed to be asked again. People were born men or women and they were assumed to conform to those stereotypes. More babies could only arrive through the interaction of this duality and so it was natural to believe that men were only attracted to women and women were only attracted to men. A challenge to this conventional wisdom came in 1953 from the activities of Lord Montague of Beaulieu.
03/26/2019 12:38 PM
Shere Hite's Research Findings (1976)
Shere Hite focused on sexually educated & confident women. Clitoral stimulation is too explicit for most women. The clitoris only works when combined with fantasies.
03/25/2019 11:12 AM
Erect Penis Benefit: A Better Memory?
An erect penis is usually involved in sexual activity. Now there appears to be evidence that sexual frequency may have a positive impact on one's memory.
03/25/2019 11:10 AM
A Masturbation Club: What to Expect
Not surprisingly, masturbation is an act that is most often committed alone; indeed, social norms dictate that masturbation in a public setting is unacceptable and frequently illegal. Of course, sometimes partners will include mutual masturbation as part of their sex lives, but in general it's considered a private activity. However, in many places, people may take advantage of a masturbation club, a situation in which men and/or women gather together to enjoy onanism together.


home | site map
© 2006