What People Are Really Interested In & How to Win Friends

A lot of your people problems and concerns about what other people think will fade into the background when you understand one crucial reality.

Most people are interested in you only to the extent they can get something from you.

I know this sounds harsh. Bear with me a moment while I explain.

Apart from your family and closest friends most other people see you as either a hindrance or as a means to getting what they want.

If you can help them get what they want they will smile at you, say you are wonderful and do whatever they can to keep you happy and available in the future.

On the other hand if you stop being a means to the fulfillment of their needs these very same people may well shun you, insult you and have nothing to do with you.

Let me give you an example. You meet someone special and you date. Things progress and a few weeks later you are both in love and life has never been better. You are the center of the universe for that person and whatever you desire is immediately granted with a smile.

Fast forward three months and the same person is screaming down the phone at you, saying how useless you are and never to call again! What happened? How could something so good go so wrong?

In very simple terms you went from satisfying the other persons emotional needs to not satisfying them. And the extreme change in how they treat you is because of what I said at the beginning of this article:

Most people are interested in you only to the extent they can get something from you.

Whereas in the early days of the relationship you attended to all of the other persons needs as time passed you grew complacent and things slipped to the point that key needs went unsatisfied.

At one point you were the answer to this persons prayers but now you serve no purpose in this persons life hence the anger and annoyance.

How can you use this insight?

1. Be alert to the unspoken demands the people in you life place on you. And understand that your relationships depend on the meeting of these underlying needs.

2. If you want to be free of a relationship that is limiting you then stop offering the demanded input whether that be advice, time, acceptance or any other resource or support.

Be ready for fireworks though since your input will often be taken for granted until you withdraw it.

3. Realize that when you feel self conscious there is no need to be since most people are preoccupied being self conscious themselves!

And as far as they are concerned you are a means to an end. If John Friend phones you to go to the cinema it is so he will enjoy your company and to avoid looking silly going there alone.

Of course the same applies to you and I. And it is the mutual filling of needs that underpins interactions, friendships and business relationships.

To sum up. We all want something from each other usually we are looking to fill emotional needs and this is the way the world is. Once you accept this you can use this understanding to look for what people want from you and then meet their needs.

If you do this effectively you will never be short of friends and people keen to spend time with you.

About The Author

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

peter1510@hotmail.com

More Resources

Limited Thought, Limited Experience
I was reminded once again the other day about how well we limit ourselves and take on the values of others and their limitations.I was in one of our morning sales meetings and just barely awake trying to concentrate on other things.
You Can't Seek for Change and Control at the Same Time
I saw a coaching client recently who wanted to get right down to business and plan out her new, bold life. She wasn't sure what that life was, but she wanted to map it out, pin it down, and make it happen.
The Art of Perfecting the Life
First of all, you have to trust that you are perfect at the core of your original mind, at the centre of your heart. Pull out the energy from the thoughts of your own unworthiness which the personality has acquired through the unconscious identification of memory.
Grab Their Attention
In the movie, "The Player" during a scene at a Hollywood studio executive meeting Mr. Levy shows Reeve, the central character, how to pitch a potential movie story.
On Uniqueness
Is being special or unique a property of an object (let us say, a human being), independent of the existence or the actions of observers - or is this a product of a common judgement of a group of people?In the first case - every human being is "special", "one of a kind, sui generis, unique". This property of being unique is context-independent, a Ding am Sich.
Create Your Own Luck
I find it particularly disheartening when I hear someone refer to a person's success and achievements as simply luck. Or even worse.
Everyday People Are Accomplishing Their Dreams - Now Its Your Turn!
If you can do anything in this time in your life what would you do?I mean the sky is the limit. You have all the money you need, your bills are all paid and right now you have the opportunity to do whatever you want.
Recognize Desire AS Power
I just moved into my new luxurious, harborside condo, overlooking the famous Songees of Victoria, BC, Canada. Three months ago, I didn't know such a beautiful place existed and today I am living in one of the most sought-after locations in North America!The past three months have been filled with experiences of Law of Attraction at work.
Self Improvement and Self Growth
Nowadays the terms self-improvement, self-growth and self-help have become popular. We find many books about these subjects and many websites too.
Communication Quiz: Are You a Great Communicator?
Communication, which occupies approximately 70% of our waking hours, is what many leaders find the most frustrating. The fact is most of us were never taught how to communicate in a way that produces desired results, so we continue to experience frustration, resistance, conflicts, or breakdowns.
4 Important Conversation Tips for Your Personal and Professional Lives
If you are searching for a way to improve your communication skills at work and in your personal life, here are some conversation tips that will give you a good starting point.Your personal and business environments may be very different, but the skills needed to communicate effectively are basically the same.
10 Powerful Tenets Of Personal & Professional Leadership Using The Law Of Attraction
Leadership is an innate ability in all of us. Using the principals of the Law of Attraction to strengthen our leadership and consciously use it in our personal and professional endeavors will not only attract more success to us it will allow us to be of service to others and make a valuable contribution.
Five Ways to Sharpen Your Sense of Humor and Improve Your Relationships
Humor has long been considered one of the most effective tools to judge the quality of any relationship. If there is laughter present you can be sure the relationship is a healthy one.
If You Want Others to Like You, Like Yourself First!
Many of us mistakenly believe that it's wrong or conceited, to think we have any good qualities. We may spend a lot of time berating ourselves for our negative qualities, thinking that self criticism is the key to improving our performance.
What Next?
When we are faced with making a change we often feel like we don't know what to do. The kicker is that USUALLY we do know what to do - it just happens to scare us a little bit.
If Something Shows Up 3 Times, Is That a Sign That Its Right for Me?
Have you heard yourself or others say: "This has shown up 3 times in my life lately. It must be a sign that it's right for me.
One of the Many Ways That The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace Wattles Gets It Right
I probably would not be able to count the number of differentkinds of wrong assumptions made by well-meaning people who firstbecome interested in Metaphysics and in applying the Law of Attraction. Magical, paranormal results seem to be the expected result.
Secrets Of Energy
Lotus dakini gathers energy.When wanting and grasping hold swayThe dakini has you in her power.
The Magic of Mike
The woman stood over the stove stirring a pot of hot soup.She prepared it to ward off the bitter Minnesota cold, a cover-every-inch-of-your-skin cold, the kind that bites you and never lets go, the kind that makes auto engines demand heaters or they refuse to start.
October: A Month of Personal Harvest
October is hands down my favorite month. Every year l look forward to a visit to Lynd's Fruit Farm in Pataskala, Ohio.

More Attraction Information:

Related Articles

Universal Law
Have you ever had "one of those days" when absolutely everything goes wrong? Have you ever wondered why some people are successful, while others spend their entire lives struggling? Do you ever get the feeling that someone is out to get you because everything you touch goes wrong?If you're like most people, these thoughts do occur to you from time to time. But what is the answer to these questions? Is it a question of luck, could it be fate or is there something else going on here of which most people are unaware?The answer is both all around us and within us, and is called Universal Law.
How We Evolved Into An Un-Charming Culture...(And What To Do About It)
Charm did not play a very large role in that arrangement. But times have changed (thank goodness) since the days of those primitive humans, and these days, charm can play a tremendous role in a leader's ascension to power, either in politics or business.
What Keeps You From Your Destiny
Heading back to the car after lunch, a good-looking guy with a swagger caught my attention.Or rather his t-shirt did!Emblazoned across his back were the words, 'I create the havoc that keeps me from my destiny.
Mind Your Mind
Three Secrets to Effective Affirmations:1 Drive your Physiology - by this I mean get yourself into adynamic state of mine by moving your body energetically. I findwalking quickly, cycling or jumping around the house whilelistening to loud music, all very effective for me.
Women and Bad Boys: What Is The Attraction?
"Bad Boys".If you're a woman, you may be saying "hmmm" as you hear these words.
How To Know You Are Living Your Dream
How To Prove To Yourself That You Are Going After Your Big Dream.I have a personal story to share with you that happened not that long ago.
How Anyone Can Manifest Anything!
My mother taught me how to teach others about the power of the mind. By learning how to teach her, I learned how to communicate essential wealth-building ideas to others.
The Way of Attraction - Walking the Path
"Slowly, slowly, walk the pathand you might never stumble or fall.Slowly, slowly walk the path and you might never fall in love at all.
Choose Your Friends, Choose Your Fate
When I was about 10 years, I got a t-shirt from my uncle and aunt that said "It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're hanging out with a bunch of turkeys." I really didn't know what it meant at the time, so I didn't think anything of it.
My Assignment ... If You Didnt Create It, Then Its Not Yours!
Life consists of lessons. Living is continual learning.
Use Your Reset Button to Change Your Vibration
At every moment you can tell if the vibration that you are sending is either a positive one or a negative one by identifying the feeling you are experiencing. At every moment you have a feeling and that feeling is causing you to emit or send off a vibration - and in the 'vibrational' world there are only two kinds of vibrations; positive or negative.
10 Common Money And Success Myths - Part 3
Here we continue to discuss a few commonly held beliefs, or "myths," that hold many of us back from achieving success..
Achieving Your Definite Major Purpose
(Excerpts From The Book)Successercising"The Science Of Success Achievement Course"The Equivalent To A PhD In Success From The University Of Hard KnocksIn his all time best selling book, Think And Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill mentions in his first chapter that throughout the book he will be referring many times to "The Carnegie Secret." He said he would not tell you what that secret is, but when you are ready, it will jump off the page and into your brain.
Crack the Clandestine Code of Diamonds
Precious, brilliant and expensive-why wouldn't diamonds be a girl's best friend? When giving the most significant gift of a lifetime, most men, and even the women who receive them, know precious little about diamonds. By the time they're old and experienced enough to know about cut, shape, grade, brilliance, color, weight, and setting, they already have the diamond of a lifetime.
Get a New Attitude
One of the first and foremost things to do to change your life is to change your attitude. Attitude is fundamental to the success or failure that we experience in our life.
I Believe In Man
I have a deep and abiding belief that there lies within every person the capacity for greatness. I don't mean the old adage that you can become anything you want to be -- I'm more receptive to Peter F.
Intuition and Instinct, Our Friends
Say the word 'intuition,' and some cringe. It sounds too new-age, too touchy-feely.
Whats Your Plan? Designing Your Future
So you have set your goals for the year. Congratulations!I have come to believe most of us set our goals for incorrect reasons.
Discover the Magical Power of Pulling Heartstrings ...Its Mindblowing!
I wish you never have to go through that kind of pain!Last week, I was on the breath-taking island of Puerto Rico at a resort on the beach enjoying the crashing waves of the ocean and the cool breeze. If you don't know by now, I am an observer.
7 Tips to Make a Fantastic Impression on People Who Count
Making a fabulous impression on people opens doors for your business, personal, and career endeavors. People like charming people who make them feel comfortable.