How We Evolved Into An Un-Charming Culture...(And What To Do About It)

Charm did not play a very large role in that arrangement. But times have changed (thank goodness) since the days of those primitive humans, and these days, charm can play a tremendous role in a leader's ascension to power, either in politics or business.

The problem is, we haven't changed all that much since our cave days. We have, in fact, regressed from a point we had reached not all that long ago, to a level where our society is as crude, coarse, and inconsiderate as in those days.In fact, maybe these days are worse. After all, those first people didn't really expect any more than they got.

Charm has become a rare commodity, and that makes it something that is by definition very valuable. But that's not necessarily good news, It means we live in a society that's so decidedly rude, someone who exhibits charm at any level is considered an uncommon and amazing specimen. We have not evolved all that much in terms of our manners or our desire to charm others. We have the ability, but we never seem to use it.

In modern society, walking into a supermarket, a fast-food restaurant, or a video rental store can be an exercise in rudeness. The workers manning the store-including many managers-are, at best, indifferent to customers and their needs, and are too often downright hostile when asked a question or required to do the job for which they are being paid. Everyone has a "bad service" story, and when it is told, listeners in the room all nod their heads in recognition: "Yes, they've heard that one before."

The problem isn't that there are a few places where workers aren't charming anymore. The problem is that this has become the norm, the accepted level of overall service that customers assume will be in use when they enter a retail establishment, unless it is an especially expensive and exclusive one.

In those cases, snootiness takes over for apathy, and customers seen as less than affluent and upscale are treated as if they've walked into the wrong bar.

No matter how you look at it, charm is definitely missing from these scenarios.

And there's no reason for that to be. It's just as easy to perform a task with, at least, courtesy for the client, as it is to perform the same task and be rude at the same time.

A person who walks into Burger King (or, to be fair, any fast-food restaurant) expecting the welcoming, smiling help featured in the chain's advertising campaigns is most likely in for a very rude awakening, "rude" being the key word in that phrase. And we have come to accept-even to expect-that kind of service. That's the scary part.

Charm in the counter help would make things work differently It would cost not a cent more, take not a minute longer, cut into revenues by zero percent, and change the well-regulated system of food preparation a bit.

It can be taught as part of the general training each employee receives, and it would cost the company nothing.

So, why are corporations not teaching charm to their employees on any level, anywhere?

Because it's not a priority.

Customers don't expect it, and executives think it won't increase profits in any way. But there is a growing mountain of evidence to suggest that assumption is not in the least true.

Customer satisfaction surveys are showing that consumers are less and less satisfied with the level of service they receive generally, and they are complaining ever more loudly about companies that have traditionally prided themselves on fast service, such as McDonald's and other fast-food restaurants.Such companies have seen their sales erode, and there's no reason to believe that customer service didn't contribute to those declines.

In fact, if the surveys are to be believed (and I think they are), service is a major contributor to the lower revenues being totaled by many service - oriented businesses.Would a little charm hurt so much?The real question is: How did things deteriorate to this level?

How did a society that at one time boasted courteous service and a degree of charm from its workers in service industries such as food and gasoline erode to the point that customers not only accept a listless, even hostile, approach, but they also assume they will get exactly that?

To chronicle the decline of charm in American society, we first must define what we mean by quot;charm."

Many people confuse charm with politeness or courtesy, and while it is a natural mistake to make, neither of those qualities-each of which is included in charm defines "charm."Charm is the difference between a rote recitation of "God bless you" when someone sneezes, and a genuine interest in the person's health. It is not "Wow, your rack looks great in that dress, Sally," and is "That's a really nice color for you, Monica."

When a person says "thank you" for a gift, that's courtesy.

When he sends a thank-you note, that's charm.Therefore, charm is going the extra mile, while courtesy is the act of not doing something offensive.

Charm is all about the other person, and courtesy is about you. Charm is about respect; courtesy is about following rules.

A working definition of charm, for our purposes, is: charm is the art of making the other person believe you care.Certainly, that's an over-simplification, but it suits our purposes nicely People believe that to be charming, one must have a great wit, physical grace, creative talent, or a really smooth line of talk. While none of those things hurts, they are not essential to charm. The only thing that is essential is that you make the other person believe you care.

The easiest way to do this, of course, is to care. That is efficient, profitable, and has the added benefit of being the right thing to do.

In retail businesses, the other person is the customer, and all she or he really wants you to care about is getting your job done properly This can be done in two ways, and I'll leave it to you to decide which one is more charming:

INT. FAST-FOOD RESTAURANT - AFTERNOON

CUSTOMER enters from street.

The CLERK behind the counter yawns as he approaches, and speaks in a monotone:

CLERK Welcome to (fill in name of fast-food place). Can I help you? CUSTOMER Yes, thank you. May I have a burger with no pickles, please?

[The Clerk barely manages to disguise his amusement.] CLERK If you really want to, but it'll take at least twelve minutes.CUSTOMER Twelve minutes? Isn't that a long time? [Clerk, talking to his girlfriend on the side, doesn't answer.] CLERK You want the burger, or not?CUSTOMER Yeah, okay. No pickles. CLERK Right. Stand to the side. I've got people waiting in line.

Here's the second scenario (and don't tell me it's not possible):

The CUSTOMER enters from the street. As he approaches the counter, he notices the CLERK's friendly smile. The Clerk speaks in an attentive, yet conversational, tone. CLERK Good afternoon, Sir. Welcome to (fill in name of fast-food place)! How may I help you today?CUSTOMER Well, hello. Would it be possible to get a burger with no pickles? CLERK (looking a little disappointed) I'm so sorry, Sir, but our system is set up in such a way that special orders take extra time. It could be twelve minutes before I can get that for you.CUSTOMER Twelve minutes, huh? That is a while. CLERK I know. If you'd like to speak to the manager about it, I'm sure he'll be happy to . . .CUSTOMER Oh no, that's not necessary. It's all right; I'm not in that big a hurry. I'll take the burger, with no pickles, please.[The clerk has never left the counter during the conversation. He punches in the order, and looks up again, smiles.] CLERK Thank you for the order, Sir. Is there anything else I can get you with that? CUSTOMER Yes, a large fries and a soda. CLERK Terrific. I'll tell you what. Since you have to wait for your burger, the soda is on the house.CUSTOMER Why, thank you! CLERK And if you'll just wait at your table, I'll be glad to bring you your order when it's ready.

CUSTOMER Thanks again.

There's no point in even asking which scenario better fits the definition of "charming" that we established above.

By making the customer know that he cares about his performance-which means not just that he does his job well, but that it means a good deal to him that it is done right-the clerk in the second scene proves to the customer that the customer's needs are important.

He, the clerk, cares about the customer, understands his concerns, and works hard to meet them. The clerk is smiling and attentive, listens to the customer at all times, and seems to care about the inconvenience he encounters. When an obstacle to fulfilling the customer's needs-the extra time for the burger-is established, the clerk offers an apology for the system and the inconvenience built into it. He also asks if the customer wants to complain to a superior, and when the customer agrees to endure the inconvenience, makes an offer of a free drink to compensate. The customer here is more likely to walk away with a positive feeling about the fast-food chain than the one in the first scenario.

And what's interesting?

The customer in the second scene didn't have fewer problems than the one in the first. Being charming didn't change the way the burger place cooks its food, so the clerk's attitude couldn't make the special order happen faster. Because the clerk did care, or at least gave the impression of caring, the second customer understood that there was no better way for the clerk to handle the situation, that he couldn't speed up the process, and that it wasn't his fault. Where the clerk in the first scenario should be immediately placed on probation for his attitude, the clerk in the second scene is more likely to be promoted sometime soon, because he can handle potential problems and make the customer appreciate his visit thereto the point that the customer might actually recommend this fast-food outlet to others. That is the power of what charm can do.

How did it work?

It worked because the clerk made sure the customer understood that he cared. That can be extrapolated to any business, and virtually any circumstance. It won't always have exactly the same happy ending as our scenario above, but charm will never make a situation worse, and will very often improve it.

Because our society has deteriorated so far, because charm is such a rarely seen commodity, it is a more noticeable, more desirable, more valuable property than ever before.

It is as useful a tool and as devastating a weapon as anything in the business arsenal, an implement capable of catching your competition off balance and elevating your own performance and results immeasurably And the cost of using it?

Absolutely nothing, unless you count the price of this book.

Consider your own dealings with retail chains, other businesses, civil employees, or virtually everyone in the course of performing the tasks that make up their jobs.

Isn't it much more likely that you'll find sullen, apathetic, irritated, and surly people just "putting in their time" until being released to go home? Doesn't that happen to you much more frequently than finding pleasant, interested, genuinely concerned employees trying their absolute best to fulfill the mission you've assigned them (either directly, as an employer, or indirectly, as a client or customer)?Now. Which ones do you remember more fondly?Which ones do you remember better? For that matter, which ones do you remember?

See my point?

Charm is not only useful and valuable, it is also memorable. And in business, there is almost nothing better than being remembered. In fact, the only thing better than being remembered is being remembered fondly. And that is what charm can do for you. If you had the experience detailed above, in which the fast-food customer was ignored and diminished by the counter help, would you remember it? Perhaps you would. But would you remember it fondly? I tend to doubt it. But, if you had the second experience, in which the drink is on the house and the counter help made sure you got the order you wanted, with the smallest delay possible under the circumstances, would you remember that?

I'll bet you would, and you would also remember it fondly.Would you even consider going back to the first fast-food restaurant? Would you even consider not patronizing the second one on a regular basis?

Charm is a huge advantage in business, and the good news is that now, with a population made complacent by years of bad, completely non-charming service at virtually every turn, the charming businessperson will be that much more noticeable. It is that much easier to become charming, and that much more of an advantage to display it.

Wait, it gets better. With customer satisfaction ratings going down on an annual basis, it's clear that people expect less and less to find a charming employee behind the counter, on the phone, or in the street. It is, therefore, now easier to stand out than it has ever been before.

Keep reading, and you'll see how to become more charming.

It's so easy, it's almost embarrassing. Really.

Michael Levine is the founder of the prominent public relations firm Levine Communications Office, based in Los Angeles. He is the author of Guerrilla PR, 7 Life Lessons from Noah's Ark: How to Survive a Flood in Your Own Life.

GuerrillaPR.net is a resource for people that want to get famous in the media, without going broke. http://GuerrillaPR.net.

More Resources

Wayne Dyer - 20 Abundance & Prosperity Quotes
Dr. Wayne Dyer has been an inspiration for me for at least two decades now and below I wanted to share with you my favorite 20 quotes of his that relate to creating abundance and prosperity: "There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there's only scarcity of resolve to make it happen.
Character or Reputation
Character or Reputation. When we see these two words together, we often mistakenly believe that you cannot have one without the other.
Mirror, Mirror
The Concept of Beauty"Mirror Mirror on the Wall, who's the most beautiful of them all?"This is a line spoken by the Queen in the children's fairy tale "Snow White"The Queen most likely, was once the most beautiful woman in the kingdom; expected only to hear the Mirror confirm that fact.To the Queen's dismay The Mirror had exchanged her beauty for that of Snow White's He pulled down the Queen's Beauty position replacing it with that of her Snow White's.
Better Tame The Bull, Or, Youll Eat The Crow!
A man can stand a lot? as long as he can stand himself. Success is never Final and Failure is never fatal.
Will You Be Part of the Bigger Picture?
With all the media attention you've probably become aware that there is something huge going on in the world, but are you part of this bigger picture?Day-to-day you'll be busy contributing to your household: cleaning tidying, earning money and taking care of your partner's and your children's needs as best you can. On a home front you've probably got it sorted.
Creativity, The Law of Attraction, & Networking
Hello Creative Entrepreneurs!I hope this finds you all doing well and living & loving your passions!Today I want to talk about creativity, the law of attrcation and networking.Let's start with creativity--YOUR creativity! Creativity is limitless.
Jerry Green's Top Ten Adversity Busters
I've navigated plenty of speed bumps on life's road. My father's death led me to an entirely different career than my planned one.
How To Actualize Your Potential
Are you tired of struggling and trying to realize your dreams, yet constantly missing the mark? You know your potential but just keep on missing it.How do you know when you have actualized your potential? When you are in your full potential, there is an experience of joy.
Why Do We Settle? You Have the POWER to Change the Outcome
Why do we settle for less and then make excuses for everyone? Perhaps it is a way to avoid confrontation, or it could be that we simply don't have time, or choose not to deal with poor customer service and the boss who promised a raise that never quite made its way to our paycheck. Those are some of the possibilities, but there is another option- we settle, or make excuses, for others because we have given away our power to the other person involved in the equation.
Reminding Yourself of Prosperity
Have you ever heard the phrase, "Thoughts are things and words have wings?" This phrase is the perfect expression of the principle of prosperity. How you think about and talk about your level of prosperity is what actually manifests in your life.
100 Ways to Keep Your Lover - Happy - At Home!
Here are over 100 ideas to help you keep monogamy hot!1. Find out what music your lover likes, and play it.
Ten Tips For Setting (And Keeping) Life Changing Resolutions
It's time for that annual ritual of making (and breaking) our New Year's resolutions. There is something about the idea of being able to start over that motivates us to pause (at least briefly) and reflect on our lives as they are, as well as how we would like them to be.
Living Abundantly: May the Force Be With You!
Perhaps, you have heard the phrase "May the force be with you" from your favorite Episode of the Star Wars movies. The Star Wars movies explore the power of our choices, the wonder of destiny, and the manifesting power that is in us and all around us.
Do You Have Your Best Life?
For many years I had a good life. My illness was reasonably under control, I had a nice relationship with my husband, I did work I didn't hate.
What is it That You Want, Honey? Discover Wealth and Prosperity with the Angels of Abundance
As you already know, the Angels are here; ready to assist us but how can they assist us if they aren't control freaks or butt-in-skees? Obviously, they don't butt in. I have never heard my Angels telling me that I "should" do something.
How Do You Choose To Deal With Your Life?
"It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny." --Jean NidetchIt is not what happens to us in our lives that is important, but how we choose to deal with it.
Reminiscing About Your Past Can Stimulate Your Future
Have you ever thought much about how some of your past experiences and talents influenced how your life turned out? I sure have and I've found it not only interesting but valuable, too. Whatever the case, I believe we can all find value in reminiscing about our past.
Harvest Moon Lessons
The full moon in September is often bigger and brighter than full moons in other months. It is usually referred to as the Harvest Moon.
How Anyone Can Manifest Anything!
My mother taught me how to teach others about the power of the mind. By learning how to teach her, I learned how to communicate essential wealth-building ideas to others.
Attract Your Ideal Relationship Using the Law of Attraction
First, I'll need to explain what Law of Attraction is and how it works. You see, the Law of Attraction states that you'll attract to your life whatever you give your attention, energy and focus to, whether wanted or unwanted--emphasis on the unwanted.

More Attraction Information:

Related Articles

The Winning Combo!
What do we all strive for in life? Success! Success is the ultimate destination. Every one of us has the good intentions and capacity to achieve something but we lack the follow-through.
Millionaire Mindset: We Become What We Think About
In studying wealth, we learn the power of using our mind to attract either success or failure. By visualizing what we want to happen - or conversely what we fear will happen - we employ a mental magnet that helps to manifest our thoughts.
What Love and Money Have in Common
How many of us have ever felt that we've thrown our love away on some undeserving and ungrateful lover? Have you ever found yourself muttering something about an ex that included the words 'swine' and 'pearls' in among the expletives?No, of course you wouldn't dream of turning the air blue with strong statements about hurt and disappointment. But you might well have wondered how your love could be wasted.
Top 10 Keys to Attracting More Clients!
It's always easier to attract the things we want in life than to chase them down and catch them. My grandmother used to say, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Success -- There Are No Secrets
There Are No Secrets To SuccessAs you strive toward accomplishing your goals and dreams you need to know that there are no secrets to success! Webster's Dictionary defines a secret as something kept from public knowledge; something mysterious that is beyond general knowledge or understanding. If that were true then it would mean success is only possible for those few who have access to these great mysterious secrets.
How To Improve Your Life Instantly!
Your mind power makes what you focus on happen. You create what you think about and then live in that experience.
Faith Creates Ideas That Create Wealth
For years it seems as though the secrets to obtaining wealth were only for a selected few. Yet the truth of the matter is that these "few" have chosen to apply the principles of prosperity (at least most of the principles) in order to obtain their status, while many chose to ignore them.
Whats in a Name ?
What's In a Name?How often have you thought about the name that you were given? Do you know what your name means? Have you lived up to the wonderful meaning of your name?I haven't given much thought to my name in a long time until recently. For several reasons, my name is giving me a lot of respect in this community that I've joined.
What is the Life Your Were Born To Live?
In my private practice for the past 15 years I have discoveredhow hungry we are to find deep fulfillment and loving, make wisechoices for ourselves and the planet, and walk in union with ourhigher guidance.Yet our days are filled with endless, empty lists of have-tos,shoulds, and must-dos.
Feeding
The purpose of human existence is to send out impulses to influence the environment and people where one exists, and feed upon what is received in return. This is growth, and this is where we grasp our identification and validation.
How We Evolved Into An Un-Charming Culture...(And What To Do About It)
Charm did not play a very large role in that arrangement. But times have changed (thank goodness) since the days of those primitive humans, and these days, charm can play a tremendous role in a leader's ascension to power, either in politics or business.
Lottery Winners Lose It All
You have heard it time and again. Lottery Winners lose it all and trust fund babies waste their parent's hard earned cash.
How do I Know if Im Getting any of This Law of Attraction Stuff?
This is a popular question people ask me. How do you know if I am mastering the art of Deliberate Attraction? Is there an advanced course I can take? My answer is always the same, "The application of this material into your daily life IS the advanced course!" To help you gauge where you're at in the mastery of Law of Attraction, I've compiled a list of seven sure-fire ways to tell if YOU are joining the thousands of people who really are mastering this stuff.
Im Thinking...But Im not Growing Rich!
So you've read "Think and Grow Rich", and you've got an intellectual understanding that you "become what you think about". You have a list of affirmations about wealth, and you recite them every day.
Beads-A Sign of the Times?
When you hear the word "beads," do you immediately think of jewelry? Or do you think of Rosary beads or some other non-jewelry use of beads-beaded dresses, headbands, belts? Perhaps you think of a country and western outfit, a studded, head-to-toe piece of jewelry.The first thought that enters your mind when you hear the word "beads" may date you and give away your age faster than physical attributes.
Do You Have an Exit Plan?
Recently, I came across something strikingly shocking, fascinating, obscure, and yet, completely obvious.Few of us have an "Exit Plan.
Want to Feel Rich? Shop Til You Drop...
Just about everybody gets them..
Part II--The Journey to a State Called Authentic
Are you on the road yet? If not, pony up your?.um, pony and pretend that you are gracefully cantering down the road toward that state called Authentic.
Use Your Reset Button to Change Your Vibration
At every moment you can tell if the vibration that you are sending is either a positive one or a negative one by identifying the feeling you are experiencing. At every moment you have a feeling and that feeling is causing you to emit or send off a vibration - and in the 'vibrational' world there are only two kinds of vibrations; positive or negative.
Passion Play
I remember a football game from last season when the Philadelphia Eagles were hosting the Carolina Panthers. One of the announcers said something like this: "If this game is about passion, it's about Deuce Staley! If it's about passion, he will be the last guy standing.