Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 1)

He's been around since the dawn of humanity. His profession is even older than the world's oldest profession. He's been loathed and reviled by politicians, bureaucrats and hot dog vendors.

I am speaking, of course, of the public nuisance.

He was that slithery dude in the Garden of Eden, taunting folks to shoplift. "Go on. Take a bite of the apple. The grocer will never know it's misssssing."

Even in caveman days, the public nuisance was the one who would always have a practical joke to play on somebody. "Hee, hee. Thag not looking. I go paint his fire green so it look like bush. He no be able to find fire. Hee, hee. OUCH! Ooh. Ooh. Yowwww. That hot!"

He is the opinionated loudmouth who can't keep his trap shut. "I told Caesar the Coliseum should be built on the west side of town. 'Caesar,' I said. 'The Coliseum should be built on the west side of town.' But did he listen to me? No-o. Did he build the Coliseum on the west side of town? No-o."

"So...that's why the lions are drooling on the other side of that door?"

"Ah...well, yes, actually."

The public nuisance is that whiner who can't stop complaining about the weather. "Aw, c'mon Leonardo. Why don't you invent something useful, for a change? Like better weather."

"What's wrong with the weather?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong?! It's too cold when I want it to be too hot. It's too hot when I want it to be too cold. It rains when I work in the fields. It gets dry when the crops need rain. And did you see how the wind blew the other night..."

The public nuisance has been with us throughout the ages, playing music too loud in public places.

"What's that racket?"

"I think some teenagers are playing their lutes a little loud."

"Well how's a middle-aged lady supposed to get any sleep around here?"

"But what can I do?"

"You're a knight, for goodness sake. Get your horse and your lance and run them down. "

But, like all good things, even the public nuisance has been transformed by technological advances. We no longer rely on manual labor to provide public nuisance services to the population. Machines supply all the disturbance we could possibly desire.

Automation of the public nuisance was inevitable. As cities expanded, it was getting harder and harder for the public nuisance to be everywhere at once and provide adequate disturbance to the entire population.

It was also very inefficient to have individual public nuisances repeating the same tasks in each part of town.

And then there was the issue of quality control. Who would ensure that all the public nuisances were serving the community to the same standards? Who would ensure accountability and integrity? Some public nuisances have been known to take payola.

"Hey. You. What's that stench?"

"I'm just cracking a few eggs to throw at your house."

"Why at my house? What did I do?"

"Nothing. But you have a fancy house and I figured you would be most willing to provide me an incentive to throw them somewhere else."

"What!? This is extortion!"

"Yes."

"I see. Well, Smithers down the road has been way too uppity this week, so here's a little something to go be a his public nuisance tonight."

"Thank you, Sir. It's been a pleasure disturbing you."

I was stumped. I really had no idea how to end this column. "Maybe the public nuisance should be a she," I mused

"Why a she?" my wife asked.

"Because people complain if I just assume my characters are "he". The trouble is, whenever I make them "she", somebody wants to know why I'm picking on women."

"They would if you make the public nuisance a woman," my wife observed.

"Are you saying women are never nuisances?"

"Everybody knows that you men cause all the public disturbances," my wife poked me.

"That's because men get bored you women try on more clothes and more clothes and more clothes. We are just trying to keep things interesting"

"Men have such a short attention span..."

Suddenly I knew how to end the column: In our household, we have no need for a public nuisance - automated or manual. We each have our own private nuisance, whom we love very much.

"That's no way to end a column," my private nuisance insisted. "Why not tell them about how you would get rid of public nuisances once and for all?"

"Shhh. Don't tell them. That's next week's column."

About The Author

David Leonhardt is a freelance writer: http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/writer.html

And an SEO consultant: http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/seo-consultant.html

He is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-17826-X

Read more personal growth articles: http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html

Info@thehappyguy.com

Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 2)

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Anger: To Control or To Learn
Many of us will do anything to avoid another's anger, yet may be quick to anger ourselves. Many of us dread another's anger yet continue to use our own anger as a way to control others.
Life Coach, Counsellor, or Therapist; - How do I choose?
Life coaching has become fashionable in recent years and there seems to be a big demand for what they offer. Counselling and many forms of therapy are also on offer, these may have been around for many years and have advantages to offer clients.
101 Winning Choices
Personal missions statements (PMS) are just nothing but the winning choices. Our mind can program us in such a way that success ratio in personal, social & professional life changes drastically.
How to Slow Your Spinning Mind
Have you ever laid in bed trying to fall asleep, but your mind keeps spinning with all the things you need to do? Your thoughts just keep ticking?We wind ourselves up like a motor when we pile on more things than can possibly get done in the time frame have. When we rush to appointments, speed in the car, load up on coffee, smoke on our breaks and make it to places "just in time", it's no wonder some of us can have a hard settling in for the night.
More Money & Less Stress?
At 2pm last Wednesday, I got a call from one of my clients. Before I could barely utter my "hello," she launched headlong into her story - "I am so frustrated! I have this client who has been dragging her feet at every stage of our project.
How To Overcome Stuck States In Personal Growth
Although many of us use self-help tools like affirmations, visualizations, NLP techniques, and spiritual invocations, we sometimes find that nothing happens. This, to say the least, is disheartening.
Mentors and Coaches: How to Be a Great Mentee or Learner
When you invest your time in being a mentee you will be rewarded with accelerated learning and experiences from your mentor. You will learn from and avoid the mistakes that they may have made, learn about your industry, meet great people, form valuable relationships and be able to mentor someone in your future.
The Fastest Way to Ruin Yourself
I don't know many people who would admit to wanting to ruin themselves, but there are a lot of people who are doing everything they can to accomplish that very goal. They certainly don't see it that way, but if you look at the way they live, you can see it happening.
Success at Work : People Skills : Complaining
Do you know an individual at work who is a chronic complainer? Are YOU a chronic complainer? People don't like complainers. Listening to a chronic complainer gets people depressed.
Coaching May Be For You
Are you looking for someone who will hold you accountable to achieving your goals? Career coaching and mentoring may be what you need to accomplish what you really want in your career. Your friends and family certainly love you and want the best for you, but they can't always make the time to devote the necessary hours you may need to achieve your objectives and goals.
Executive Coaching and the American President
Perhaps no one better than a former U.S.
How to Coach Yourself!
Some people are not in a position to work with a coach right now. Some are stretched financially, while some are still using the "lone ranger" method.
The Pitfalls of Procrastination
We all put off making decisions and taking action sometimes (yes, me too). It's okay to do that occasionally but if you are a regular pontificator then it will constantly cause you pain, even if you aren't aware of it.
6 Practices for Achieving Excellent Self-Care
Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) often feel like they are running behind schedule, and just don't have the time get everything done. As a result, many ADDers end up sacrificing their own self-care in order to scratch off items on their to-do lists.
Choosing an Apprentice
Along the path from where you are now to millions in revenue, thousands in readers, tens of thousands of prospects, or hundreds of clients -- whatever criteria you use to define success for your coaching..
Coaching Can Help Teachers At A Crossroads In Their Careers
Teachers enter the profession with the desire to help others, but after years in the field it can lose its luster. If it's no longer offering satisfaction the way it once did find out how you can get the joy back.
Sorry Dr Maslow, I Think You Got It Wrong
In the 1950s Abraham Maslow published a book entitled " Motivation and Personality" in which he outlided his now famous Hierarchy of Needs. Over the years since its publication Maslow's work has gained wide acceptance as a tool in understanding human motivation.
Managing Performance Every Day
The scenario?The company has decided it needs to eliminate costs. Hundreds of jobs are on the line.
How Could Choosing to Not Do It All Enhance Your Impact?
How often have you heard yourself say, "I've got so many balls in the air I don't know how I can possibly keep track of them all".We may be managing to keep the balls in motion, but how good is our juggling performance really? Are our movements controlled and rhythmic? Or are we merely gritting our teeth and hoping to catch the next ball before it falls on the ground?Recently I was speaking with a colleague (we'll call him Craig) who is a high achievement-oriented and well-regarded senior manager.
New Developments Make Christian Life Coaching "The" Career Choice for Work-At-Home Professionals
I have watched for a couple years now, as my wife's career has really taken off and I must admit, I am impressed. At the age of 55, having had so many life experiences, it just made me sit up and take notice that something huge is happening.