No More Desperation Dating

When you think about what you find attractive in a person, what comes to mind? Tall, dark and handsome? Blonde and curvaceous?

How about happy and fulfilled with an exciting life?

I don't know about you, but I would pick the happy, exciting life every time. While physical chemistry is important, I know quite a number of people who would not win a beauty pageant, but are so filled with life and energy that they draw the attention of everyone when they enter a room. They may not be the easiest on the eye, but they certainly are the ones I want to talk to and spend time with.

***Looking Ahead***

As we get ready for the search for our future partners, an easy aspect to overlook is our attitude towards our own lives. Each time I have found myself single, adjusting myself to the possible reality that I might be that way the rest of my life has seemed imperative. A part of that adjustment has always included building a happy and interesting life for myself.

How you feel about your life now as a single person and the possibility that you might stay single, affects what you portray to others. If you hate your life, think that being married or partnered is the only valued way to live, and look towards a future as a single as depressing, sad, or bleak, believe me, that shows. And it is very unattractive.

As well, that sort of mind set leads to desperation and neediness, which will really cloud your judgment when it comes to sorting through mate possibilities. How will you be able to freely decide if someone is right for you if you feel impelled to launch yourself towards the first person who shows a bit of interest?

Staying centered and clear-headed is going to be vital to your future, and feeling miserable about your current life and prospects will really cloud your judgment.

***Three Action Steps***

1. Start thinking about improving your life as a single and your attitude towards it right now. What are you proud of, and what do you need to improve upon, to feel better about your life and the future?

2. If you knew, right now, that you were going to spend the rest of your life as a single, what would you need to do so that you would have as interesting and vital a life by yourself as you imagine life with a partner would be?

3. While important to place priority on finding a mate, how can you move it to the side, and make your own life and its vitalness central?

Though sounding contradictory, happiness with your life as it is now, and at the same time, making yourself ready to change it by finding a mate, actually provides needed balance. Your satisfaction with what you have will be exciting and attractive to others. You will not come across as needy, a real turn off.

***Want or Need?***

Want and need are two very different things. *Want* implies desire, but something that you could do without. *Need* has a desperate edge. Because you are looking, you will be signaling that you *want* a relationship and are willing to make space and change for that in your already full life. But you don't *need* another to make yourself complete.

One of the best ingredients for a successful relationship are two people who know how to satisfy their own needs. They are happy by themselves and not *needing* a relationship.

Wanting, yes.

Needing, no.

Kathryn Lord © 2004 All Rights Reserved

About The Author

Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach / Helping Singles Find A Sweetheart!

eBk: "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women"

Purchase ebook at: http://www.cafeshops.com/findasweetheart

Want more? Get my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*

Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html

www.Find-A-Sweetheart.com / email: Kathryn@Find-A-Sweetheart.com

4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph.601-619-0030


More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Dating Information:

Related Articles

Compatibility
Harsh words, hurting comments, tears and flying household objects - for sure, no one ever wanted that to be the everyday routine when deciding to live together with the beloved person. Yet, why is this such a common picture, portrayed even in many Hollywood dramas?Two people meet, they fall in love - that happens, in a multitude of different ways, thousands of times all over the world.
From Friend To Boyfriend
One of the most frequent questions I am asked is "How do I go from being a friend to being a boyfriend?". I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that this is easy to do, but it can be done.
Creating a Great Online Dating Profile
First impressions are important, which is why it is essential to create an appealing, but honest profile of yourself. After all, this is the only information that a potential suitor has to go on initially and the decision on whether or not to contact you will be based upon what he or she reads in your profile.
Ways to Say I Love You in Another Language
Have you been looking for romantic and provocative ways to say "I Love You" to your special partner? There are numerous different and creative ways to say "I Love You," but have you ever thought about memorizing "I Love You" in as many foreign languages as possible?Imagine someone whispering to you "Je t'aime" or "Te amo" or "Aloha wau ia 'oe." You'd be intrigued, interested, and pleased, wouldn't you? Well, try several foreign language translations of "I Love You" with a special person in your life and see what happens.
Gay Dating Tactics: Your First-Date Dos & Donts
IntroductionNothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it's a blind date or someone you're already acquainted with, the first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness.
Breaking Up
The first thing you should do is talk about what happened, to your closest friend or family member. Just let it all out.
How To Write Descriptions That Stand Out From The Crowd
Just about every dating site-even those with minimal profiles-have space for you to write about yourself and the person you'd like to date.This is one of the most important parts of the profile.
Compliments - A Very Powerful Dating Tool!
Giving a compliment can be a very powerful tool when dating women. Of course, too many compliments can also make you look desperate and needy.
Mike's Dating Story
(Black Couch Tales)Mike was completely stressed when he walked into my office last week. Taking a long drink of water, he slumped onto my black leather couch and sighed.
Men: Never Compliment a Woman You Want to Date
Hello Lucia,I regularly compliment women and tell them that I am interested in them. Is this the kiss of death? I hear being aloof and stand-offish is more intriguing and works better in trying to get a woman's attention, especially in the beginning.
Making The Connection: Tips For Getting Noticed
Chances are that you have had a wide variety of experiences in your quest for meetingsingles. These can range from an event that yields several nice interactions and at least one offer to get together for a date, to going home feeling frustrated and convinced you are destined to be a dating failure.
How to Get More Responses at Online Dating Sites
So, you've decided to join a dating website. You're hoping someone out there will find something interesting about you and try to get to know you better.
The Law of Large Numbers
It is often said that sales is a numbers game. The more people we contact, the more chances we have to make a sale.
Dating Tool: Confidence 101
I'm over it. "There's plenty of fish in the sea," they say.
Russian Women - TOP 3 Reasons You Should Marry A Russian Woman
Do you know everything about Russian women that could help you get the 'perfect' wife?Are you sure a Russian woman is the most important thing possible in your life?Bear with me, I'm going to reveal you the TOP 3 reasons why you should marry a Russian woman and have a happy marriage with her.TOP Reason 1Russian women are known for their beauty.
Online Dating For Dummies
Whether you have been dating for years, getting back in the game, or just starting out, you could always use a bit of dating advice. Not the kind you get from your mother, but rather the kind that actually might get you past the first date, on to the 2nd and perhaps on to a happily ever after.
Dating Personals! Incredibly Successful, But How Does It Work?
Dating personals offer online dating singles a quick and easy path to quality matchmaking features, and it has become incredibly successful! Dating online services have produced exciting dating tools that help you establish an online romance in the comforts of your home!There are so many singles out there that are tired of the local dating scene, and they just don't have the time and energy to go out and find many people in their community to develop serious relationships.Most single individuals are searching, and are now finding a better alternative online to establish a meaningful relationship.
Do You Desire Love and Marriage? How Should You Prepare Yourself?
The rate of new love and marriages is rising as fast as the divorce rate. That forces the question - are people really falling in love? If they are then why is the divorce rate so high? Isn't love enough? Where is the commitment? Love and marriage are still important to people.
The Cyber Lothario
Are you writing to someone who is romancing you off your feet? Does this guy seem to know just what to say or write that gets you a step or two further down the garden path? Perhaps more dangerous than the notorious Internet rapists and murderers are the Cyber Lotharios. Maybe you know one.
Got a Blind Date Right Around the Corner?
Got a case of the blind date? Oh yes we know how you feel. Your heart is racing, your blood is pumping and yet you are not sure about it.