Is Your Life Coach Manipulating You? Five Signs to Watch For

Did you hire a "life coach" to help you sort out your complicated existence? The coach is a growing occupational choice for folks who feel the call to lead others who may feel overwhelmed or wish for personal fulfillment but don't know where to begin.

As someone who belongs to entrepreneur networks, I've come across quite a few life coaches. Some seem like truly wonderful people... but others... hmmm, well I'm not so sure.

Before I raise the five warning flags, let's talk about two short but very important words: Your Life. It's YOURS and nobody else's. So although you may feel confused for the time being and have summoned the services of a coach, it's still YOUR LIFE and you have the right to live it any way you see fit.

A good and benevolent life coach will respect the fact that your life belongs to you. She will guide and support, she will uncover options you may not have seen before, and she will unleash your potential and help you feel confident... but she will NOT dictate how to live YOUR LIFE, nor will she mold you into thinking a certain way.

That said, it's incredibly important to choose your life coach carefully. If you find one who is loving and inspirational, kind and supportive, who lets you find your own way and doesn't speak to you as though you're beneath her... hang onto her for as long as you have to because you struck gold. On the other hand, if your life coach makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, do not hesitate to discontinue your work together. Remember that this is YOUR LIFE.

Here are 5 examples of things your coach might say to manipulate you.

SCENARIO ONE

Coach: This seminar I attended was a life-changing experience! Why don't you sign up? It's only $300.

You: Thanks for the offer, but I'm trying to save my money right now.

Coach: It's funny how we always find money for the things we want to do. The truth is, it's probably not the money that's holding you back from doing this, it's your negative mindset.

[It's not your coach's business what you do with your money, even if she is your "coach." If she continues to push you into making purchases you're not comfortable with, politely tell her that you're no longer interested in using her services.]

SCENARIO TWO

Coach: We must erase all negative statements and focus on the positive. Now, let me point out where you made a mistake...

[If your coach were truly a positive individual, she would NEVER utter the words 'you made a mistake.' This is a mind control tactic, and an attempt to make you feel 'in the wrong' when actually you have done nothing wrong. If your coach EVER says things like this to you, thank her for her kind advice and then cancel her services.]

SCENARIO THREE

Your coach leads the discussion to a topic of her choice, waits for you to politely acknowledge the topic, confuses you with a few ambiguous fluff statements, and then turns the tables and insinuates that you sought her advice on said topic when actually you never did.

[GET RID OF THIS COACH. You sought a life coach because you wanted to learn to confidently navigate your own life. Instead, you got a coach who tries to trip you up with Jedi Mind Tricks! Perhaps there is something in her own life that she's having trouble controlling?]

SCENARIO FOUR

You: Crap, I can't find that book you sent me. I'm so disorganized!

Coach: If we are mentally resistant to a new idea, often our subconscious manifests itself in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps you lost the book because you didn't really want to read it. Consider opening your mind to new ideas...

[Some coaches have a habit of relating everything back to psychology, which is not always the case. Maybe you really did want to read the book but had a chaotic week. Instead of insinuating that you have mental blocks, which by the way is a NEGATIVE assertion and not very coach-like at all, your coach should initiate some positive improvement and suggest that you work on organizational skills together.]

SCENARIO FIVE

You: God, I need a pep talk!

Coach: Ahh yes... recognize that you, too, deserve love and attention...

[While this isn't the worst thing that's ever been said, it's a bit dramatic and makes you out to be some kind of pathetic sot with a poor self-image. When you ask for a pep talk, you should get just that - a few positive affirmations and some encouragement to go forward.]

General Condescention: Don't buy into the holier-than-thou bit.

Some red flag remarks:

"Let me explain something to you..."
"There's something that you don't understand..."
"I'm so proud of you!!! You did it all by yourself! I want you to handle all situations like that!"

[A truly gifted coach instinctively knows how to make her clients feel appreciated, commiserated with, and most of all, on the same level. Your coach should talk to you ADULT-TO-ADULT as though you are two comrades, not like she's the kindergarten teacher and you're five years old.]

There are millions of people marauding as psychologists and related occupations, who actually have personal issues themselves which is why they feel the need to control other people. If you're getting a sense of this about your own coach or counselor, it's probably legitimate. People who do not feel good about themselves should not assume a "helper" role in other people's lives.

Step up and do what your coach has been preaching all this time. Take control of your own life, and lose the power tripping coach. Instead, find a coach who's truly interested in helping you become stronger, more efficient and more successful as well as reaffirms the wonderful and talented person you are!

Copyright 2005 Dina Giolitto. All rights reserved.

Find out how thought-provoking articles can position you as an expert in your field. Dina Giolitto is a Copywriting Consultant with ten years of experience writing for print media and the web. Visit http://Wordfeeder.com for a free consultation and copywriting quote.

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

It's All To Do With The Way You Wake Up
Do you start your day with anger, frustration and annoyance at the alarm and the need to get up? Do you wake up hoping the day will go away and you can get back to sleep? Have you lost the fun? The confidence to have a go at things. Are you struggling along? Are you just going through the rituals of life? Are you just doing enough at work? Doing what is necessary because you think you 'ought, should, must do this for the sake of others? Do you feel all washed up and no one is interested in you? Do you feel devoid of vibrancy, and sense of purpose, an aimless victim buffeted by the winds of change? It's all to do with the way you wake up.
Learning To Recognize Your Ego
What is an ego? Well, in case you didn't know it, we all have one. The ego is the logical rational part of your mind that allows you to separate yourself from other people.
What You See is What You Get
H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Say Adios to the Fear of Rejection!
Do you ever get an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach when you have to approach someone?In situations like this does your mind go blank?This is not unusual. That feeling is often the fear of rejection.
Sorry Dr Maslow, I Think You Got It Wrong
In the 1950s Abraham Maslow published a book entitled " Motivation and Personality" in which he outlided his now famous Hierarchy of Needs. Over the years since its publication Maslow's work has gained wide acceptance as a tool in understanding human motivation.
Business Coaching Legacy: Reflections on What You Want to Leave Behind?
Updating my will has been on my mind for quite some time now. Life circumstances change, kids grow-up, financial situations changes.
How Does Sports Coaching Differ from Corporate Coaching?
Athletes Versus EmployeesMost athletes are young, open to improvement, eager to learn and anxious to receive what a coach can provide. For the athlete, there is a defined season and something tangible to compete for.
Learn to Say No!
How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn't want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no, but the word didn't come out. So you end up doing it?and later resent it.
Purpose
Many people go through much of their lives without really thinking about their purpose. I don't mean a lofty, philosophic, and often unrealistic purpose that has us striving to save the world or solve the challenge of poverty throughout the world (although these are both admirable for those whose true purpose is to do so).
Pecked to Death By Ducks
Ever been in a situation where it seems like minor criticisms are all you hear? Sure, there are things you could improve, you know that . .
Be Better at Business - And Lose Weight, Too!
In business, individuals often secure the services of a success coach like myself to "fix" certain areas of their professional life. The desired fixes typically range from a desire for a promotion and/or a salary increase, to on-the-job performance enhancements, to improving one's personal productivity, to boosting one's level of enthusiasm about their job.
Coaching: YOU Can Improve Your Organizations Performance
GOOD BUSINESS COACHING: Clearly, the right kind of coaching can alter a team's or an organization's performance. The implication for business is that if you create a climate of coaching in any organization, you can produce performance that exceeds your expectations - and you won't have to change the people to do so.
The Role of Grief Group Facilitators
Technically, there are two types of grief groups. Informational and support groups are for individuals who have an interest in the grief process.
Greasing the Path to Success: Finding the Confidence to Step Up to Key Moments
Whether it's making a prospecting call to a promising business contact, giving an informal "elevator speech" to a networking group, or attempting to close a transaction, there are certain key moments when putting your best-dressed foot forward really matters. Some of life's fortunate people seem to be naturally at their best finding confidence under pressure.
Value Based Leadership Coaching
What can I do to be a better coach? The Eight Step Coaching Model describes the process, yet too often the focus is on techniques only. "How can I say it to win my point, get others to do things my way, or convince them?" Focusing only on one technique is fundamentally manipulative.
Forget Resolutions - Craft A Life Theme That Works
How many people do you know who, in January, enthusiastically name their resolution for the year yet somehow neglect to follow through with it a few weeks or months later? Forget making New Year's resolutions. They rarely work because they are often based on "shoulds" versus the bigger picture of your life.
Difficult Challenges? -- What If?
Sometimes life can seem like one long series of unsolvable problems. I know there have been times when I would much rather find something else to do and quit whatever I was doing simply because it was too much trouble to continue.
We Are Exactly Where We Choose to Be
The idea for this month's newsletter came from an unlikely encounter: I recently had lunch with a new friend named Rick Rockwell. You may remember him as the bachelor from the first-ever reality TV show, "Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?"During our meeting, Rick described some of the knowledge he gained from doing the show, along with a few of past his experiences in business, ethics, and of course, primetime romance.
Throw a No-Heat Party for the Planet
Is it really possible to have loads of fun, and help the planet at the same time? I remember the first No-heat party I went to. It was on the coldest night of winter that year, according to the Farmer's Almanac.
An Easy Way to End The Year
As a healthy business owner or independent professional, how do you end your year? Well, I tell my clients to stop working. That's right, stop working.