Copywriting Makeover: Making An Emotional Connection - Part 2 of 2

In part one of this article series we began looking at the Cruise Vacation Center site: a travel site whose copy was sorely lacking in emotional appeal and visual imagry. (You can see the previous version of the copy here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/CruiseVacationCenter-Original.pdf.) In the conclusion, youll see how all the rewrite turned out and how exciting the end results have been.

The Rewrite

It took me a while to get started on this copy. Before I began writing, I wanted to really be in the mood. I played around on the vacation search feature of CVCs site and read all about some of the places I have always wanted to go. I took my time and let my imagination run wild while reading about the ports-of-call, the activities, and the ships amenities.

When people shop for vacations, they are typically interested in what theyll get first and they worry about the price second. They want to feel and sense the experience of a vacation while reading about it on a website or in a brochure. It sort of falls into the same category as copywriting for brides.

Getting married, for most people anyway, is a limited experience. Its not something you do every day. While a bride may be working on a budget, she still loves to see the $10,000 Donna Karan gowns and imagine herself in one. The same holds true for those planning a vacation.

You usually only go on one vacation/holiday a year. Thats why we dream. Its a limited experience. Something we plan for and look forward to for months on end. So, while a vacation planner may not choose to buy the king-sized, master, grand suite, all-inclusive, five-star vacation trip around the world, s/he sure has fun reading about it and imagining it. Why do you think shows like Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous are so popular?

Once Id filled my mind with everything wonderful about cruise vacations, I was ready to tackle the copy.

Keyphrase inclusion was simple on this page. There was just one keyphrase, cruise vacation. I used both the singular and plural forms throughout the text. My challenge with the SEO aspect of the copywriting was to keep the balance.

Normally, when there is just one keyphrase, there is a very high tendency by most people to ram, shove, and squeeze the phrase into every nook and cranny of the copy. I beg you resist that urge! As youll see shortly, SEO copywriting is NOT about forcing keyphrases into every possible slot.

And, of course, there was the matter of letting visitors know that they would get a better bargain and save more on their luxury cruise if they booked online.

Starting at the top, I changed the headline of:

Planning quality discount cruises for you since 1993!

to

Book Your Exotic Cruise Vacation Online and Get Rock-Bottom Prices to the Hottest Destinations

Next, I immediately began to entice the visitor with visions of what s/he could expect - from their vacation and from CVC.

Rather than talk about the company directly as the original copy did:

Dreaming of a cruise but don't want to pay full price? Cruise Vacation Center is one of the nation's largest cruise agencies.

I started the copy with this:

Just imagine youre walking along the deck of a grand cruise vessel as it gently keeps rhythm with the waves. The sun is on your shoulders and a soothing breeze wafts through your hair.

I continued to build the new copy with phrases like: wander your way through the medieval castles, stunning gardens of the Mediterranean, and oceanfront luau in Hawaii, while intermixing statements including: deep discounts, book securely online, and so on.

All the while, I was dropping reminders to book online for the biggest savings and offering explanations about why that would benefit the visitor.

The call-to-action was designed to reinforce the idea that the customer *could* get more vacation choices for their money with CVC.

You can see the end results for yourself at http://www.cruisevacationcenter.com.

The Results

Its fun to see how these makeovers turn out. What did my client have to say? The response was astonishing and immediate. Weekend sales tripled! Usually around 10 online books over the weekend. Last weekend had 30! [Also], they re-indexed and the home page moved up [two positions] for cruise vacation. It has a great lead-in on the search page, too.

Man I just love my job!

Karon Thackston © 2004

About The Author

Copy not getting results? Learn to write SEO copy that impresses the engines and your visitors at http://www.copywritingcourse.com. Be sure to also check out Karons latest e-report How To Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your Copy) at http://www.copywritingcourse.com/keyword.

IF PUBLISHING ON A WEBSITE, USE THIS RESOURCE BOX:

Copy not getting results? Learn to write SEO copy that impresses the engines and your visitors with The Step-by-Step Copywriting Course. Be sure to check out Karons latest e-report How To Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your Copy), too!

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Copywriting Information:

Related Articles

Write Hard-Hitting Headlines With Magic Words That Sell
Writing a killer headline for your copy is simple! You just need to follow simple dos and donts that make or break a headline respectively. If you think you have tried them all, check this out.
Art Of Writing Profitable Classified Ads
The art of writing profitable classified adsEverybody wants to make money. In fact most people would like to hit upon something that makes them instantly rich! And seemingly, one of the easiest to the fulfillment of these dreams of wealth is mail order or within the profession of the business, direct mail selling.
How to Write Profitable Ads
Regardless of how you look at it, the most important aspect ofany successful business is its advertising. In fact,the success of any business is largely dependent on good advertising.
Top 7 Things To Do Before You Hire A Copywriter
Now that you've decided to hire a copywriter, how do you go about finding one? Here are seven things to look for to make sure the match is a good one.#1 - Define your expectations.
Website Promotion: 10 Secret Motivational Triggers That Make People Buy
Unless you know the secret motivational secretsthat make people buy, your efforts in websitepromotion may not be fruitful.Here are some website promotion triggers to help you:1.
Grammatical Mistakes DONT Sell
When you receive a sales letter with typos or grammar mistakes in it, do you take it seriously? Probably not. As soon as I see a few eighth-grade English blunders in any marketing effort, I quickly decide the author's product or service is not deserving of my time.
Why Copywriting Is The Secret To Your Online Success
Over the last decade, the number of companies selling their products and services on the Web or sharing information online with their target market has exploded.It's no longer frowned upon to conduct your business on the Web, and huge numbers of people are making a healthy living doing just that.
Copywriting Businesses - How You Can Get Started
Do you have the training and skills needed for copywriting?Are you looking for a way to get your foot in the door?Will you have what it takes to succeed with your copywriting businesses?For many, these three questions drive them day in and day out to become the person that people demand time with. Still for others, the business aspects of copywriting have just been easy to get.
How To Make A Career Out Of Copyediting And Proofreading
Do you possess the qualities of a good proof reader? Are you good with details, spotting errors in spelling, grammar, and the flow of a piece and putting together quality work? If so, you may be able to make a career out of copyediting or proofreading. For those looking to get in to this field of copywriting, they may be stuck looking in if they do not know where or how to get established.
Kick-Start Your Juices
Listen, consider this scenario.You have a deadline to honour.
Welcome Informed Criticism of Your Work
When you come to 'know' something, there is a temptation to stop thinking about it. You put it in a box as 'known' and are happy to argue with anyone who disagrees.
Memorable Sales Copy -- How to Write it
Want to know the secret of creating MEMORABLE promotional copy? Sales copy that actually stays with your customers long after they've finished reading it?Then master the art of using words to create pictures in your customers' heads.If you can describe your products or services in such a way that it forms images in your customers' heads, well, then you've just created something that will last long after the marketing is over.
How You Can Proofread Your Own Work
Putting out a high quality product is a given these days. With all the competition out there, you have to look great in every aspect.
How To Really Connect With Your Customer In Your Copywriting
One of the least talked-about areas in copywriting education isvoice. This is probably because it's tough to set general rulesfor something that's so personal to each of us.
Copyright, Copyrighting, and Online Copyright Abuse - Save Yourself the Headache by Reading This!
Lets start with copyright infringement.It is easily explained as copying someone else's work without gaining permission first.
8 Reasons to Outsource Your Copywriting
Thinking of hiring a staff writer? Think again. Below, I will give you eight geat reasons to reconsider and outsource instead.
The Lost Art Of Fundamental Copywriting
What ever happened to good old fashion, fundamental copywriting? Has anyone seen AIDA? I mean, before you can run, you first have to learn how to walk, right? Yet, I see it over and over again. Marketers who can't even write a simple headline are trying to "hypnotize" readers with "psychological copywriting," because that's what a few of today's copywriting experts are telling them they should do!I'll let you in on a little secret.
Dont Be Satisfied With Your First Draft
Sometimes it's a struggle to figure out what's the best thing to say. You're writing a heading, the first sentence of an email, the introduction to a newsletter, a short description on a homepage.
Internet Marketing 102: Copy What Works
Internet Marketing- Forget the experts, latest software program or even that book that someone is selling to get on the "best seller list" and the 200 free ebooks they are offering you. Here is what REALLY works, and it's something that you learned in kindergarden.
Freelance Writers: Double Your Income
Freelance writers are a strange group of people when it comes to running their own businesses.They are outspoken and enthusiastic while selling their clients' products and services, but are hopelessly shy and reticent about blowing their own horns.