Home For The Holidays

In my husband's family, family members send Christmas cards to other family members (parents to children, brothers and sisters to one another, etc.) even though the family always spends time together at Christmas for a meal and gift exchange.

My husband and I do not know of any other family that does this. We both always understood Christmas cards were for family members one would not be seeing because they live too far away, or that Christmas cards were sent from one family to another.

We do not send Christmas cards to members of my immediate family we will be seeing. Which way is correct from an etiquette point of view? Or are they both equally correct? Are we breaching his family's tradition by not "cooperating" because we will be seeing them at Christmas?

Anita

Anita, which is correct--opening presents on Christmas Eve or opening presents on Christmas Day? From an etiquette point of view, they are equally correct. The same applies to your card question.

Your husband's family tradition is the less common, but we know people who send cards to family members close at hand. Somerset Maugham said, "Tradition is a guide not a jailer." The same might be said of etiquette, and common sense supersedes them both.

Tamara is not sentimental about cards, but she will give cards to those who especially enjoy receiving them. Because your husband's family enjoys this tradition, consider following it with them and following your own tradition with everyone else. That solves the awkwardness of receiving a card without giving one.

Wayne

In Memory

For over 10 years I diligently cared for my wife, until she died from the complications of multiple sclerosis. During that period we had the help of a nurse who became very much a friend to both of us. I paid for her automobile club membership each year so she could get to our home in her various junk cars.

After my wife died, I stayed in contact with the nurse on a platonic basis, talking on the phone monthly and sharing dinner a few times a year. I also continued to pay the motor club membership in gratitude for all she gave my wife. I felt it was a good and generous thing to do. She gave her all to us.

After a long period of grief, I began to search for a new partner and started a new relationship about six months ago. I mentioned my yearly gift to my girlfriend last week when the bill came, and she became very upset with me for doing this. She described this as unethical and an infraction serious enough to end our relationship.

She knows I have no romantic or sexual contact with this woman and trusts me in that regard, but is astounded I do not see the moral error in what I have been doing. I consider myself someone of high morals. I just don't get it. What principle am I violating? I am not getting answers I can comprehend from my girlfriend. She insists I discuss this with others, who will enlighten me.

Clay

Clay, you are a thoughtful, caring man. You and this nurse share a bond, and in honoring her you also honor the memory of your wife. There is nothing wrong in what you are doing, any more than there is something wrong with giving money to a cause in memory of someone who has passed on.

Your girlfriend cannot tell you exactly what she doesn't like about your gift without revealing her true motives. Your girlfriend wants to break you away from the memory of your wife and the reality of any other woman. Often circumstances arise as a warning sign about other people. If you give in to your girlfriend, you might as well hand over your wallet, your pants, and your life.

Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 8, 2003

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

More Resources

Unable to open RSS Feed $XMLfilename with error HTTP ERROR: 404, exiting

More Coaching Information:

Related Articles

Living In The Now
I hope you are sitting down as you read this! You cannot begin to work on this kind of subject without addressing the subject of time itself - and when was the last time you did that?There are three basic areas or modules of time that are most commonly referred to:1)The Past2)The Present3)The FutureWhat I would like to do is have you work out where the "present" is though. In the time it has taken you to read just those last few words, that space in time that we might refer to as the present has gone.
Trump University - Why Success Education Is Important
Trump University recently unveiled offers a bonanza of success secrets, success tips and success insights.Donald Trump, of the Apprentice says "The one sure way to success is to know everything you can about what you do", these words capture the true reason why Trump University exists.
Do You Really Need A Home Business Mentor?
Having a mentor can mean the difference between success and failure if you want to have a successful Internet home business.Many of you have dreamed of owning your own Internet business, and have probably been involved in countless opportunities, and succeeded at none.
Transform Your Image And Accelerate Your Success
Being a lifelong student, I am regularly attending seminars etc. to become the best I can be in all areas of my life.
Still Wondering About Coaching?
A friend called me the other day from Lower Alabama. He has followed my career as a coach with enthusiasm, and continually refers clients to me, and I'm sure has done his part for making coaching known in his neck of the woods.
How to Kill Fear When Dealing with Aggressive People
The book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers is regarded as a self help classic. Have you read it?I read it many years ago and I was disappointed by the content of this book that has helped a lot of people take control of their fears.
Five Steps to Vocational Passion: A Disciplined Plan for Major Mid-life Changes
There's a famous song lyric that asks: "Is that all there is?" Every seven seconds, an American turns 50 years old. So there's a good chance that song is running through some of their heads.
How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer - Part A for Attitude!
My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years I have counseled thousands of personal trainers, fitness directors and gym owners on how be successful in the health and fitness industry.
Automatic Brain Works Overtime For You
Use all of your brain to be your most effective."Running on Automatic" is what I call the ability to visualize what you need to have happen.
Priorities: Are You Living Yours?
In the Charles Dickens classic, "The Christmas Story", Scrooge is given the opportunity to examine his life and his priorities before it is too late. Upon being shown his grave by the ghost of Christmas Future, he asks "Spirit, are these instances of things that will be or are they of things that might be? Is it too late for me?" How long has it been since you have examined your life and its direction? When the day comes that you leave this earth, how will you be remembered?Have you ever noticed that once people have something life-changing take place in their lives, an illness, death or tragedy, how quickly their priorities change? It is amazing how instantaneously things that were so important yesterday, fail to cross their radar screens today.
The Long Way
I wrote you about four years ago, when my eight year marriage was ending in divorce. At that time you gave me some great advice about beginning again.
Bringing Forgiveness Down To Earth
What does it mean to forgive?One of the first things we typically think when we hear the word "forgive" is that it is a spiritual concept that is mostly out of reach for us mortal human beings. The bible talks about it, pastors implore us to forgive, we might believe that it is something that we "should" do but for the most part, most of us find it very difficult, if not impossible, to accomplish.
The Incredible Rightness of Being
An Age-Old QuestionSearching for more meaning in our lives has been an age-old preoccupation for us humans. Why am I here? What am I meant to do? What's the point of it all? And, most importantly in the modern-day world, what is it that will make me happy?Dissatisfaction, or "Gimme More!"It is human nature that when we feel dissatisfied with something - be it our jobs, our homes, our relationships, or even our lives in general - we feel there is something missing.
Home For The Holidays
In my husband's family, family members send Christmas cards to other family members (parents to children, brothers and sisters to one another, etc.) even though the family always spends time together at Christmas for a meal and gift exchange.
Diverse Marketing Strategies for Those Living with Disabilities
Imagine yourself as the only means of financially supporting you. A little scary isn't it? In today's economy, it is difficult living on a single income.
Are You Addicted To Your Activities?
Activities - such as sports, creative projects, reading, work, TV, meditation - can be a wonderful way to relax, express yourself, or connect to yourself. Or they can be an addiction.
Email Etiquette 1
I thought it might be worth visiting some email etiquette for all as the majority of the readers of this newsletter are now on email.It is important to consider that when emailing people you are on show, whether you like it or not, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Executive Coaching Case Studies
If you are wondering whether investment in executive coaching would promote your business growth, some case studies might help you in making a decision.Although confidentiality prevents me from going into too much detail, I think the following examples will give you an idea of how executive coaching can achieve good results in a variety of business situations.
Creating An Effective Toolbox For Success
WHAT'S IN YOUR TOOLBOX?Think tools are just for builders and construction workers? Think again!Everyone needs a well stocked toolbox.Over the years, given the wisdom of life's experiences and much learning, I have assembled my own psychological toolbox.
Our Worst Enemy
Who do you consider as your worst enemy? The criminals roamingthe dark streets? Your boss who's killing you mentally andemotionally with stress and harsh words? The people in office who are engaging in graft and corruption, instead of helpingthose in need? We have many implications of who our enemies are; but we haveone common foe who is the main cause of our failures andmisfortunes, and we're not even aware of this opponent. You may not want to admit it, but our worst enemy is ourselves.